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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Superman: Dark Matter Moderators: bert
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  Author    Superman: Dark Matter  (currently 1167 views)
Don
Posted: December 17th, 2016, 11:31am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Superman: Dark Matter by Jami Todd - Sci Fi, Fantasy, Animation - Superman infiltrates the Phantom Zone to rescue his biological father--Jor-El. 74 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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JakeM
Posted: January 10th, 2017, 6:11am Report to Moderator
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I liked the idea you were going for I felt like some of the dialogue sounded very cheesy and cartoonish. But then again, it is a pilot for an animated series.

for example, this line of dialogue:
"What have you done!? What have you
done!? "

and also:
"It will take months to fix this!
Months!"

The character constantly repeats everything he just said, twice.


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