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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Deceptive Ardor
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  Author    Deceptive Ardor  (currently 448 views)
Posted: May 7th, 2017, 10:29am Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Deceptive Ardor by Christopher Pope - Short, Drama, Dialouge Driven - Chris and Kimberly discuss their future as a couple, while both of them have their own paths to travel. 8 pages - pdf, format

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Posted: May 8th, 2017, 2:53pm Report to Moderator

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Some notes.

In this one, I can't find a character that interests me.  The stoner shows little aptitude for anything, and the art student doesn't seem very arty at all.  He's a user, and she's a cheat.  How have they stayed together all this time?  And the story goes nowhere.  Kim is no nearer a decision at the end, and the stoner is still a lay-about.  Even the argument lacks real zing.  Where are the recriminations?  Those things that every person keeps close to the vest just in case they're needed as a come back.  How about that time...

So, bottom line, I think this one needs bigger things, more tense moments.

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