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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  I've Lived 400,000 Times
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  Author    I've Lived 400,000 Times  (currently 1167 views)
Don
Posted: July 12th, 2017, 7:13pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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I've Lived 400,000 Times by Farrah Ventenilla Hamada - Short, Comedy - Freddie, the protagonist recounts some of his past lives and gets to resolve his mental illness by chance by getting an amnesia. 15 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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eldave1
Posted: July 12th, 2017, 8:15pm Report to Moderator
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A lot of formatting issues out of the shoot including the Title Page.

No need ti number scene headings

You simply can't do stuff like this:


Quoted Text
(Note: Actions take place as the narrator describes the
scenes that are going to happen.)


You have to describe the actual actions


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Cameron
Posted: July 14th, 2017, 8:11am Report to Moderator
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Yep, what Dave said re formatting, really all over the place. Have a little look around the site and try to copy the formatting methods from others, and integrate them into the work.

As a quick aside, you nearly went a little bit Scottish there Dave:

Quoted from eldave1
No need ti number scene headings

However, we prefer it to be "tae", which can add vague amounts of humour or confusion to a sentence. It can also be used in a threatening manner too (Billy Connolly's quite good at it), as in "get tae f..." and so on.

Anyway, I digress, keep at it Ventenilla, best of luck,

Cam
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eldave1
Posted: July 14th, 2017, 4:41pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Cameron
Yep, what Dave said re formatting, really all over the place. Have a little look around the site and try to copy the formatting methods from others, and integrate them into the work.

As a quick aside, you nearly went a little bit Scottish there Dave:

However, we prefer it to be "tae", which can add vague amounts of humour or confusion to a sentence. It can also be used in a threatening manner too (Billy Connolly's quite good at it), as in "get tae f..." and so on.

Anyway, I digress, keep at it Ventenilla, best of luck,

Cam


Wow - I must have some Scottish DNA lurking around somewhere


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Cameron
Posted: July 14th, 2017, 4:52pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from eldave1
Wow - I must have some Scottish DNA lurking around somewhere


Yep, historically we did get about the world a fair bit so there's always a chance! Only one hitch I can see, your name would have to to be less eldave and more McDave.
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eldave1
Posted: July 14th, 2017, 4:55pm Report to Moderator
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It's actually Lambertson - so maybe


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Cameron
Posted: July 14th, 2017, 4:59pm Report to Moderator
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Er yep, that'll about bloody well do it, congratulations on the heritage!!
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Farrah
Posted: July 18th, 2017, 1:58am Report to Moderator
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thanks for all the comments, guys.
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eldave1
Posted: July 18th, 2017, 10:11am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Farrah
thanks for all the comments, guys.


No problem - best of luck


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Kirsten
Posted: July 18th, 2017, 11:57am Report to Moderator
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Giving up is not an option....

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Hi Farrah,

This was difficult to get through because of the formatting etc, but I really liked the premise and the depth to it. I could see you put a lot of thought into this and that shows.


"Turn that off, our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!"....

'What we do in the Shadows.'
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Farrah
Posted: July 19th, 2017, 9:02am Report to Moderator
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hi there kirsten,

could you be more specific with regards to formatting?
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