Last Train by Luke Anthony Walker - Short, Thriller - Andrew keeps missing the last train home after work due to his fear of being mugged. If he's going to have any hope of catching it on time, he'll need to set those fears aside, and be courageous. 8 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Luke-

I thought it dragged somewhat along the way, but I enjoyed the payoff at the end.

My only suggestion would be some parallel backstory with the Nurse - give it some serendipity.

Good luck with it.  

Maybe there's some incongruity in Andrew's character. He's so fearful of getting mugged, but he bravely stopped a mugging? Maybe you could write of an experience that transformed him? Maybe you could have Andrew talk to himself inside his head, so the viewer can see how he changes? I suppose Andrew gradually builds up his courage when he walks past the 'thug', but walking past someone and challenging someone is a big leap. Other than that, I couldn't think of anything else to say.