Bound by Kavuma Mathew G.Q - Short, Drama - Old friends meet once every month, but this time they both have a life changing decision to make 12 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

I like some of this.

You need to trim your descriptions a bit - write active. e.g.,

Quoted Text , is seated at the counter, drinking his coffee.

Better as:

sits at the counter, drinks coffee. or

Drinks coffee at the counter. Just lose the "is"s and ings

Quoted Text A customer walks through the door and he quickly turns to look as if expecting someone. It's not them.

Customer needs to be capped and you can lose the he - e.g.,

A CUSTOMER walks through the door, quickly turns to
look as if expecting someone.  It's not them.

Anyway - some tidying up to be done

Hi,
Thanks for the tip, i'll surely try my best to avoid those "ings"

No problem - glad it helped

Hey Kavuma,

I had a read and I liked it. It's an easy read and it's likely to be something that'd get picked up on here as it's relatable, believable, and only requires a few actors and a couple of locations.

Good stuff.

Max

To MaxRuddock:
I  suggest changing that ridiculous mug photo if you want anyone to take your advice and judgment seriously.

Good point Stumpzian!

Hey Kavuma, ignore what I wrote. I'm a fool for ever using a playful avatar thingy.

My deepest apologies.

haha, i don't think the avatar has anything to do with it, thanks for the read Max.

Hi Kavuma,

This was a pleasant read and the characters are charismatic enough. Their chemistry is believable.

I think you could drop a lot of the words ending in -ing and maybe cut down on some of the unnecessary dialogue (ex. How's work?...Same old...)

Other than that I think it's pretty good.

Nice job!

hey Jo, thanks for the read! and yes that "ings"was made abundantly clear and am going to do my best to avoid it.