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Hands of God Rogosu by Knowledge Stribling - Series, Dramedy, Anime, Action, Adventure and Fantasy - Ark Caelum a country raised in the sky by a man named Jesus Christ; now the sky and the ground owned by Lucifer are at war. At a school the raises child soldiers, the children have many stories to tell from many different perspectives. 38 pages - pdf, format
First off, props for the effort, and for the courage to post your script up here. It takes ballz to make yourself vulnerable in this way, and I always respect that...
I read to page 5, I do have some trouble seeing how this premise would work as a series (JMHO) but I'll give you credit, it's certainly a brave undertaking.
If you are serious about screenwriting... and I believe you are... the best first step is to learn the format. I would get "The Screenwriter's Bible" by David Trottier, assuming you don't already have it. It does cover almost any situation one might imagine, though it is now a tad dated so be watchful.
In addition, you simply cannot read too many screenplays... because in reading as many as you can you'll run across hundreds of situations and see how they were handled by others, then you can emulate them in your own work.