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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  Right From Wrong Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: November 19th, 2017, 3:13pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Right From Wrong by Anthony Brooks - Thriller - A young teenaged boy is accused of a murder he didn't commit, following behind a group of friends he was trying to be like but gets arrested and thrown in prison. 101 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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eldave1
Posted: November 20th, 2017, 9:32pm Report to Moderator
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Anthony - the first page is riddled with typos and punctuation errors  - you need to do a grammar check on this.

Grammerly is a free software download that might help.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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FrankH
Posted: December 10th, 2017, 5:52pm Report to Moderator
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Anthony,

Always good to copyright your work.

On page1, be consistent with your slug-lines, is it "BRICK HOUSE"  or "THE SMITH'S HOUSE"?

When moving around in the house, use mini slugs (KITCHEN, LIVING ROOM, BATHROOM, etc.).

Page1: Instead of "DeAndre, a young 19 year old teenager", why not "DeAndre (19)", less is more.

As Eldave1 pointed out, lots of punctuation issues (commas and periods).

Good luck
Frank  


FEATURES:
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SHORT DRAMA:
Imaginary Friend
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SHORT THRILLER:
Unbreakable Bond
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