SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 2:52pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Marmalade Sunrise Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 4 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Marmalade Sunrise  (currently 1009 views)
Don
Posted: December 3rd, 2017, 12:18pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Marmalade Sunrise by Nathan Illsley - Drama, Sci Fi - A recently-separated music journalist travels to Upstate New York to interview a widower who claims he was once transported to an alternate dimension where the Beatles never broke up. Initially a skeptic, he comes to realize that not everything is as black and white as he previously thought. 86 pages

production: Microbudget script, two leads, several supporting characters, only a handful of locations. Drama with a subtle sci-fi undertone, but the script focuses on the relationship between the two men as the main plot. - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Fais85
Posted: March 18th, 2019, 7:25am Report to Moderator
New



Location
India
Posts
190
Posts Per Day
0.10
Hey Nate,

This is really fun read. Reminded me of "Safety Not Guaranteed". It has all the ingredients at right place. Kudos for the writing.

Now, what I will suggest is,

Right now PETER is not coming out as an complete asshole in the beginning. The opening scene can be changed in a way where we can see, he don't care for other's feelings or he is stubborn. That way the climax will complete his character arc perfectly.

If possible, he should hurt BENNETT with his words more about his wife and daughter near the pole. Like it's a final confrontation between those two and BENNETT is devastated by it.

After that when PETER is talking and apologizing to Em, she can encourage him to go and apologize to BENNETT too or else he may hurt himself.

I think, this will create a conflict or sense of urgency in my opinion. (which is there, but you can always go for more.)

Again, these are just my thoughts. Other than this, it's a solid write.

Revision History (1 edits)
Fais85  -  March 18th, 2019, 9:11am
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006