Hey, Jason. Gave this a read.
Thematically, I loved it. Riding the Freedom bus past and present is an excellent story arc. The use of the blood stained letter very poignant.
There were some hiccups for me.
The Father's Voice Overs are far too long and far too often - while anyone of them was fine, they became tedious just do to volume by the end.
We are dedicated to ending segregation.
We're willing to face jail sentences,
beatings, even death. Those of us on The
Freedom Ride will continue until we can
travel anywhere in the South with the
same privileges and rights that are
guaranteed for every citizen in America.
Really missed it for me. He's a kid - a recently beaten one at that and the essence of the thought is already in the story - no need to cram the theme down throats here. Make it more subtle, natural - simple and obvious. This is far too preachy and isn't the right voice IMO.
Anyway - I do love the story. Nice work. Hope the notes help.