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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  Universe War Moderators: bert
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  Author    Universe War  (currently 760 views)
Don
Posted: February 18th, 2018, 5:29pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Universe War by Anthony S. Garrone - Series, Sci Fi, Fantasy - This is Star Wars vs Dune TV Show idea.  It is copyrighted!! 27 pages - pdf, format

New writer interested in feedback on this work


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HyperMatt
Posted: May 4th, 2018, 6:15am Report to Moderator
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I started reading this. This is actually a story set in the STAR WARS universe (I'm unfamiliar with the Dune universe). I'm afraid your copyright is overrided by Lucasfilm Ltd. (or Disney).


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HyperMatt
Posted: May 4th, 2018, 6:16am Report to Moderator
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MARIEA SALUDEA
(She deeply inhales the
black smoke and her eyes
begin to close)

Should be:

Mariea deeply inhales the black smoke and her eyes begin to close.


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HyperMatt
Posted: May 4th, 2018, 6:18am Report to Moderator
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ORIGINAL STAR WARS TEXT SCROLL

It has been 100 years since both empires have discovered each
other. Followed by, the discovery of the slowly expanding
ends of the Universe by the two powers using paid explorers
and bounty hunters on clandestine missions. The realization
2.
of limited resources and urgency for the allocation and
control of these resources became the number one priority for
both the Republic and the Royal Houses...

and on and on.

That needs to be really worked on.

Or better yet, create your own original universe.


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