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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Discussion of...     General Chat  ›  Creepy Clowns Sighted in Florida Moderators: bert
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  Author    Creepy Clowns Sighted in Florida  (currently 700 views)
pale yellow
Posted: February 24th, 2018, 12:09am Report to Moderator
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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  February 24th, 2018, 3:18pm
typo... ;)
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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: February 24th, 2018, 5:35am Report to Moderator
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Like it.

We're the newsreader real and you've got permission to use the footage, or are they actors?
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Angry Bear
Posted: February 24th, 2018, 7:46am Report to Moderator
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The editor said something about fair use. It should be good.

This is the second film we shot last fall at the same time as the elevator short. Our hopes were to get a short that could work as a stand alone short, but also work as a sizzler or teaser for our feature script. As you know, often things don't quite workout as planned and for five months we thought we would have to scrap the project, but I found a local editor that managed to put together this piece from the little media we had.

Turned out pretty good, I think.  


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Colkurtz8
Posted: February 24th, 2018, 2:30pm Report to Moderator
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The first 3 minutes 22 seconds of this was effective, very creepy.

The next 55 seconds (yep, I'm being that specific) when the woman sees 4 ominous figures in black hoods and clown faces walking toward her, yet unbelievably still gets out of her car all casual, only to be mildly harangued by, what seemed like a bunch of kids, didn't work at all and completed neutralised all the tension built up in the preceding scenes.

The last shot and music cue was great though (if a little too Hans Zimmer, Inception) and made me reconsider those pestering wannable hoodlums outside. Did you mean to lower our guard before hitting us with that suckerpunch?


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Don
Posted: February 24th, 2018, 3:12pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Is that Jon at the 20 second mark?

The first part was incredibly disturbing to me.  So much so that I put a trigger warning on the posting on the blog side.  

To Howard's point, I was puzzled when Jorgia got out of the car and walked through the phalanx of clowns. Unless it was a metaphor for harassment.  Or, it is a teaser for something we haven't seen.

Also, was that Bailee at the end with the half clown makeup?

Good work.  I enjoy the repertory theater aspect of the films the two of you put together.  And seeing Jorgia, too.  

- Don


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pale yellow
Posted: February 24th, 2018, 4:07pm Report to Moderator
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That WAS Jon at the 20. OMG cannot believe you recognized him! He's made me play his two seconds of fame about ten times thus far!

The first part is really true. There have been sightings a lot here in Jax. Infact, some of the news footage is from here.

I agree... we shoujd've had Jorgia get out of the car before seeing the clowns... then caught half way to her house they run up on her. Jon asked me about that as well... Kevin mentioned it too I think...

BUT this IS part of something MUCH bigger. Already have a feature and Pia is rewriting on it now... so we are hoping to use this to pitch the feature.

Thanks guys for commenting. We really were scared we would have to scrap this project all together. So I'm very happy with the way it turned out after all.

Oh that is not Bailee at the end... that is one of the clowns that was in the four clown group... we had three guy and one girl clown. Brecia Stoner played that part.


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khamanna
Posted: February 24th, 2018, 4:13pm Report to Moderator
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For me it totally works as a part of something bigger! Made me curious and wanting to see more, to know more. The feature? I'd totally go for it. The first part was so creepy and inviting. Sitings of creepy clowns - that's a great idea. And for what's it worth I really liked the picture, the sound and the acting.
Wish you are able to go forth with it and have a feature for us. Best of luck to you two!!!
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: February 24th, 2018, 5:17pm Report to Moderator
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Glad I have no issues with clowns! Reminded me of some of the good bits from recent American Horror Story... look forward to seeing it in a longer form!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Angry Bear
Posted: February 24th, 2018, 11:10pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for checking it out guys!

Yeah, the woman getting out of the car is a bit unrealistic right now, but when we filmed it there was a reason for it. This was the script we had. https://www.dropbox.com/s/kqw120eynstymge/Wanna%20Play%3F%20copy.pdf?dl=0
Unfortunately, things happened along the way...  Both nights went into the wee am hours and it was also raining. That means we ended up with much less media than planned. So what you're seeing is really the editor trying to make something from the little we had.

The creepy stuff with the clowns and the pics on her phone is all in the feature and we're hoping we can get someone interested in it or otherwise, we might have to film it ourselves, lol.  


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