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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Who Murdered Mary Baker
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  Author    Who Murdered Mary Baker  (currently 698 views)
Don
Posted: February 24th, 2018, 3:15pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Who murdered Mary Baker by Basil Wlliams - Short, Drama - {no logline} - pdf, format

New writer interested in feedback on this work


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eldave1
Posted: February 24th, 2018, 4:37pm Report to Moderator
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Basil - this is not close to being in the right format. Check out a few scripts here - think you'll see the problem right away.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Gerlinde
Posted: February 25th, 2018, 8:50am Report to Moderator
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I will not say anything about formatting because it does not matter to me in this case. Not more important than the story, the characters, and the dialogues.
I liked the descriptions, even if I had cut or changed something here and there. But the mood you want to create, you've made. The motivation of the offender (injured vanity), as well as the fact that he blamed her (she is the devil), is realistic and fits. Likewise his dialogues. I would check the dialogues of the detective again. All in all a good solid job. Thank you.
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