|
Author |
A Samurai's Tale - WT (currently 1943 views) |
Don |
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 11:25am |
|
|
AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16417 Posts Per Day 1.93 |
A Samurai's Tale by 0 - Short, Action, Drama - An Emperor threatens the peaceful existence of a former Samurai. - pdf, format
Writer interested in feedback on this work |
| Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
|
|
|
|
|
JEStaats |
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 12:26pm |
|
|
Old Timer No sh*t, there I was....
LocationTucson, AZ Posts1735 Posts Per Day 0.62 |
I'm a HUGE Samurai fan and... hmmm...was the page limit painful with this story? I can see where you wanted this to go (I think) and I think it would work if you had even just one more page. Great effort. |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 1 - 22 |
|
|
eldave1 |
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 12:57pm |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationSouthern California Posts6874 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
Liked this one a lot. Writing was real solid - great twist |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 2 - 22 |
|
|
PrussianMosby |
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 2:19pm |
|
|
Posts1399 Posts Per Day 0.37 |
A Samurai's Tale
Same concept as "To the flame". Just not that well executed here imo. It's not self-aware enough, as the unsure genre-reference mirrors. 2 |
|
|
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 3 - 22 |
|
|
AnthonyCawood |
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 2:28pm |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4321 Posts Per Day 1.13 |
I'm torn on this one as I love Samurai genre, but wasn't sure of the ending for this, felt a little like the animated sequence in Kill Bill (which is probably inspired by something else)... decent effort. |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 4 - 22 |
|
|
khamanna |
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 4:11pm |
|
|
January Project Group
Posts4195 Posts Per Day 0.79 |
Good work, but I wonder if you need a Samurai here at all. Seems to me the action is drawn around Emperor, Tio, and Adam, so I didn't get Samurai's significance in this story. |
|
|
|
Reply: 5 - 22 |
|
|
PKCardinal |
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 4:14pm |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationKansas Posts1447 Posts Per Day 0.63 |
I liked it. Well written. Nice twist. Made me feel something, which is impressive for a one-pager. |
| PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror |
|
|
|
Reply: 6 - 22 |
|
|
ScottM |
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 8:15pm |
|
|
Posts49 Posts Per Day 0.02 |
Second one I've read like this, they’re probably linked.
Not bad, might have a bit of a think about this one. |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 7 - 22 |
|
|
Zombie Sean |
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 12:39pm |
|
|
Old Timer
LocationColorado Posts1547 Posts Per Day 0.23 |
I liked this. Agree, it's a lot like To The Flame but it was still effective. I liked the last line of description, I feel it brings the whole story together. A kid gets inspired by a comic book that parallels with his situation. I'd like to see where this would go if you had 2 pages to work with. |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 8 - 22 |
|
|
Stumpzian |
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 12:48pm |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationNorth Carolina Posts662 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
I don't think this needs anything else. Not another page, not more clarity. Thumbs up. |
|
|
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 9 - 22 |
|
|
jayrex |
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 4:41pm |
|
|
Old Timer Cut to three weeks earlier
LocationLondon, UK Posts1420 Posts Per Day 0.22 |
I enjoyed this. It felt like a lot was told with minimal effort. Nice ending. |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 10 - 22 |
|
|
MarkItZero |
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 6:12pm |
|
|
Old Timer
Posts1007 Posts Per Day 0.35 |
This was like that other one with the spaceship. Except that was lighthearted and fun. This is actually pretty depressing. But I liked it! |
| That rug really tied the room together. |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 11 - 22 |
|
|
Warren |
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 9:49pm |
|
|
Of The Ancients A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3897 Posts Per Day 1.35 |
This was enjoyable, similar the the Flame one, probably not a coincidence.
The writing is great. You can construct quiet a layered story using this 'through the eyes of a child' system. |
| |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 12 - 22 |
|
|
RJP |
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 10:12pm |
|
|
Posts69 Posts Per Day 0.03 |
Maybe I missed something. If Adam is imagining killing his stepfather through the samurai world that lives in his head, maybe something non-samurai should be the murder weapon when we reveal that he's just a kid that lives in a trailer. Just a thought.
Overall, good job! |
|
|
|
Reply: 13 - 22 |
|
|
SAC |
Posted: April 4th, 2018, 6:40am |
|
|
Of The Ancients … but some dreams do
LocationUpstate NY Posts3208 Posts Per Day 0.78 |
Writer,
Not bad at all. More a complete story than I’ve read so far, and a good reveal as well. Good job. |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 14 - 22 |
|
|