The Tooth Fairy by 0 - Short, Horror - 0 - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Holy shit.

Not sure why, but when I read this line it totally derailed my train of thought: Pale shafts of light trap writhing dust motes.

Otherwise, I like the creep factor and knowing that total mayhem is about to occur with the child's impending scream. Nice work.

Quoted Text Not sure why, but when I read this line it totally derailed my train of thought: Pale shafts of light trap writhing dust motes.

Gotta say the same. Dunno why either, but that line totally threw me off and I had to read it a couple times.

Gruesome tale, though. Short, sweet, and to the point.

Hmm, I didn't get it. It seems very interesting though - the visuals are amazing. But ultimately, I'd like someone to explain this to me. What if it's a diamond and I'm just not getting it?

Quoted from khamanna Hmm, I didn't get it. It seems very interesting though - the visuals are amazing. But ultimately, I'd like someone to explain this to me. What if it's a diamond and I'm just not getting it?

The girl lost a tooth and received $20 for it. The father threw a bit of a hissy fit that he spent money on pliers and got chewed out by the mother, but she doesn't bat an eye giving their daughter $20 for a loose tooth. Turns out the mother didn't give the daughter money after all because she believes that the father did it. The father didn't do it either. So who gave the girl money? A crazy guy from a psychiatric hospital broke into their home, took the pliers, and is now threatening to pull a tooth from the girl's mouth after he gave her money for the tooth she already lost.

Took me a couple reads, but I believe that's what's going on here.

Thanks, Sean. But how is her being a frog factor in?

Quoted from khamanna Thanks, Sean. But how is her being a frog factor in?

I would say, frogs don't have teeth. But after a quick google search, apparently they do.

Ooh, I thought these weren't up till the 4th!

...

Okay, I get the script totally.

It has a certain person's trademark theme all over it too. Least I think of does...

Yeah... 'Writhing dust motes' is a bit much. 'Dust motes float in a shaft of sunlight' would be better.

See! My autocorrect just tried to changes motes to mites. Perhaps yours did a similar thing?

Anyway...

Terrific, creepy one-pager! Exactly what a super short should do.

Good on you.

P.S. The first review above is a good one. Very apt. Says it all.

Ok, thanks. Either way, it's visual, extremely creepy and makes for an interesting read overall.

What's this about a frog? I miss something?

Quoted from LC What's this about a frog? I miss something?

Lol, I think it's because of this line:

Quoted Text Floorboards groan under Minka’s leapfrog assault.

There's also a line that says "Minka takes one big hop inside to reveal a figure in a white dress. So I thought she's a frog that turned into a princess or something. Am I completely off?

Lol, the writer must roll his eyes at me now)


P.S. ok, got it now. everything is clear as she's not a frog. The writing tripped me a bit.
The psycho is a tooth fairy! This is funny and fresh.  
Yeah, liked this.

Ah, okay. Nope, I think she's just a boisterous kid, Kham.

Creepy AF. The writing was a bit confusing in parts, like the actual word choices.

Enjoyable though.