Fading Numbers by Sean Ryan - Short, Drama - An elderly woman recalls her experiences of the holocaust. 16 pages

contest: British Short Screenplay Competition - Runner Up, Gimme Credit Contest - Finalist, The Movie Deal! Screenplay Contest - Winner, Winner Write Movies A/Exposure - Monthly Winner - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Sean,

Quoted Text INT. SMALL HOUSE - NIGHT - FLASHBACK/POLAND/1941

I'd recommend putting the country and year in a super if you want the audience to see it, so:

SUPER: POLAND 1941

Quoted Text The room is overcrowded with people asleep on makeshift beds.

People needs to be capitalised, all character introductions require capitalisation.

Excellent tension on pages 1 and 2.

About 6 named characters before the end of page 3, hopefully it doesn’t get too confusing.

Quoted Text SASHA/YOUNG ALEXANDRA

In your software there should be an option for dual dialogue, it formats it in a neater way than just putting a slash.

So I'd be lying if I said all the characters, and there really are a lot, didn’t get confusing. I think I managed to stick with who was who though.

It’s really well written and the things I pointed out are really minor nit-picks.

Story wise, it almost feels like a feature contained within 16 pages. It’s a big story.

I really enjoyed it and can understand why it has done well in contests.

Congrats.

Sean,

This is a great story. It is an emotional read, right to the end.

It's hard to believe that stories like this actually happened less than 80 years ago.

Well done.

Daniel  

Thanks, it's one of my shorts that I would love to build into a feature. I did approach the film board here to fund development, but being a nobody they had no interest.

I based the story of true accounts I read online and tracked down the women who stories I had read and influenced it. Traveled to Canada and met them, introduced them to my family. Really surreal experience. I'm still in email contact with one of them, who is now 90.

Maybe I really do need to write this as a feature.