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A one pager is tough. Not sure about this one. So, The Thing wasn't his wife? A monster of some kind impersonating her? I was just left a little confused.
As I said, one pagers are tough and this didn't have much of an impact. I'd definitely be interested in a more fleshed out version if you have a story in mind.
Thanks for reading! Yes, The Thing wasn't his wife, it was a monster/creature/something supernatural impersonating her.
It's tough critiquing a 1-pager, I'm sure, but thanks for your comments. I could see this being fleshed out but right now I don't have a larger story in mind. Sorry it didn't have an impact on you! Thanks again for your comments!
The ‘Congratulations Lauren!’ pic is a nice touch, but this would all be moving so quickly that I wonder if the connection would be clear enough for the audience to get your intent?
For me the ending could raise more questions than answers: some kind of undead or maybe just wounded? Feels more like an opener for a longer piece than a contained whole. Can’t help but feel it’s a bit ambitious for a one pager that's more likely to leave a viewing audience confused rather than satisfied.
Steve
My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:
Yeah, to me, it seems that she is only wounded after all. My initial reaction was, shouldn't she be dead after that? I also don't understand why the husband would admire himself covered in blood. They've lived together for a long time, so he's not simply a psychopath. Why did he kill his wife?
I don't get any ghost aspect from this short at all.
I think the challenge of a micro script is getting a satisfying resolution. Or three tiny acts, a beginning, middle and end, like any story. So throwing a monster in at the end doesn’t work for a short any more than a longer script.
For a one pager - although this idea might be a bit cliche - you could have him kill his wife, only for her to text and say she’s running late and her sister’s coming over.
Thanks for the great feedback! I guess this story doesn't translate well as a 1-pager, so Imma look into maybe expanding it a bit longer as everyone has suggested. It was a fun challenge for myself either way, but looks like it wasn't executed properly Thanks again, for the feedback and suggestions!
I’m thinking out loud, but the text message could play a bigger part here.
What about he kills his wife and his wife’s phone rings. He picks it up and it’s the US Powerball. “Can we speak to your wife - she’s just won $100 million dollars”.
I’m thinking out loud, but the text message could play a bigger part here.
What about he kills his wife and his wife’s phone rings. He picks it up and it’s the US Powerball. “Can we speak to your wife - she’s just won $100 million dollars”.
One pager's are hard, but it was still pretty effective. How did Derrick know that wasn't the real Lauren. Is there a significant mark or tell tale sign? What if he actually killed his wife an it was the monster who replied in the text?
Flesh it out a bit more to fill in the loopholes otherwise good effort Sean
Just read your short, and it was a very interesting read. First off, congrats on being able to pull off a one-page short. That's pretty cool in and of itself. I liked the way you described the action. I could visualize everything that was going on. I am a little confused though: Was that not his wife that got killed, or was that some type of hallucination(I thought that after reading about the text message)? At any rate, it was a good read.
Matthew Lincoln
P.S. Could you give me some feedback on my script. It's called Inescapable, and it's in the sci-fi short section. Thanks.
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I Murdered My Wife
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Thanks again, for the feedback and suggestions!
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