SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is August 18th, 2019, 7:31pm
Please login or register.
Was PortalRecent PostsHome Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
The Beginners Guide to the SimplyScripts Discussion Board (WIP)

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October 2018 One Week Challenge  ›  The Boring Thing - OWC Moderators: Administrator
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    The Boring Thing - OWC  (currently 464 views)
Don
Posted: October 20th, 2018, 10:30am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13206
Posts Per Day
1.95
The Boring Thing by Mr. Ed - Short, Horror - It's been working its way up from the center of the Earth for a billion years. Today it surfaces. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
Dustin
Posted: October 20th, 2018, 12:30pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

Posts
5393
Posts Per Day
2.43
This is very dense and passively written. A new writer that could do with some tips on writing actively. However, this isn't the place for that, although it will mark you down somewhat. Grammar issues too. Your sentences are difficult to read.

I skipped through to the end. A simple creature-feature that doesn't stand out enough. The writing needs work, even taking into account that we can 'tell' parts of this story due to the format, the writing is too passive to be enjoyable.

I can give some tips after the OWC if you like.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 19
Scar Tissue Films
Posted: October 20th, 2018, 12:42pm Report to Moderator
OWC Moderator


Posts
3165
Posts Per Day
0.86
A Jeff special?
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 19
DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: October 21st, 2018, 9:18am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Michigan.USA
Posts
1391
Posts Per Day
0.43
I wouldn't call the thing boring,because, hey, I wasn't bored reading 'bout a gratuitous death of a bunny rabbit. I don't know who Sid Brown is, but I did miss the poor bunny.

The Medical examiner isn't given a name or age. How old is old?

Anyway...surprise, surprise. I didn't really mind this one too much. Had this "Asylum" flavor to it, although some of the names and action sound a bit too juvenile in places.at least it is...entertaining. It's a bit overkill suggesting that The Boring Thing eats cars---should just stick with critters and people. (side note: there's a scene in which people's body parts are all over everywhere, yet, a few have survived and getting some sort of first aid. I dunno. seems odd. "No, This guy's a goner" or something like that. ) Killer man-eatin' giant worm-centipede monster on the loose and it gobbles up a small town!

Again..why call it a Boring Thing?

Some grammar issues, some clunky parts...but it is what it is.

Why call it Boring?
I'm sorry...I just...can't help question this choice. It sends the (wrong) message that you, as the writer, don't care and/or didn't give this a lot of thought. Or if you did give it thought, you take a leak on whatever goodness you have.


"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
The Art!http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/m-1190561532/s-105/#num106
Logged Offline
Site Private Message AIM YIM Reply: 3 - 19
JEStaats
Posted: October 21st, 2018, 3:43pm Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
Tucson, AZ
Posts
821
Posts Per Day
0.74
This was rough. Some misspellings and grammar that derailed my attention when reading. Even the name Buttacre was a distraction.

If illustrated, it would be way more than three pages. This would need a lot of rewrite to work.

Good effort but, sorry, not for me.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 19
Warren
Posted: October 21st, 2018, 4:35pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Sydney, Australia
Posts
2621
Posts Per Day
2.23
Probably my least favourite so far. I struggled with some of the descriptions and wasnít sure what I was meant to be seeing. Nothing really grabbed me.

It feels a lot longer than five pages.

The writing style isnít for me. I donít know if the writer was trying to format it for a comic or if this is just there style; either way I wasnít a fan.

All the best.


To View All My Scripts Please Use The Link Below

My Website

My IMDb

Revision History (1 edits)
Warren  -  October 22nd, 2018, 10:30pm
Logged
Private Message Reply: 5 - 19
coldsnap
Posted: October 21st, 2018, 8:42pm Report to Moderator
New-ish



Posts
32
Posts Per Day
0.01
For me the title instantly brought to mind Elon Musk's Boring Company, nice play on words. The story however felt a little bland. I got a "Tremors" vibe from this - giant creature, a couple of wise cracking townsfolks trying to kill it. Nothing too compelling, and as others have mentioned, the action blocks need some work, but good on you for getting an entry in.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 19
PKCardinal
Posted: October 21st, 2018, 9:56pm Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
Kansas
Posts
522
Posts Per Day
0.86
First scene... bunny bites the dust... I'm thinking: so much for PG. And, boy, did the writer go all in on ignoring that particular request.

One thing that I like about this website and its writers... no shortage of creativity. And, this was creative.

Now, it was a bit of a mess, for sure. But, still, kudos to the writer for going for it.


PaulKWrites.com

60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature
The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature

Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 19
MarkRenshaw
Posted: October 22nd, 2018, 5:39am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
UK
Posts
1591
Posts Per Day
0.69
The way this is written, is a bit like a pisser. Sorry if thatís not the intention, but it just seems like the writer is having a laugh with this one. Itís also above a PG in parts.

The idea of a boring thing (Iíd suggest changing the name) that devours and grows would make a great comic, kind of like a mix of the Human Centipede and Tremors.  The way that this is written doesnít work for me, but the idea has bags of comic potential.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 8 - 19
LC
Posted: October 22nd, 2018, 6:14am Report to Moderator
Moderator


Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
3598
Posts Per Day
0.90
Prior to Sid Brown's back yard you really had me. Really. Despite the seven line description. And even with the slaughter of poor Bunny.

And then came the rest...

And I started scanning.
A real shame. You coulda' had something there but you went so over the top.



Logged
Private Message Reply: 9 - 19
Scar Tissue Films
Posted: October 22nd, 2018, 6:24am Report to Moderator
OWC Moderator


Posts
3165
Posts Per Day
0.86
I never understand why Jeff puts so much effort into these pissers.

It did make me laugh out loud, though.

And the premise would make for a nice b-movie feature.

Revision History (1 edits)
Scar Tissue Films  -  October 23rd, 2018, 3:58am
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 19
stevemiles
Posted: October 22nd, 2018, 2:42pm Report to Moderator
Regular



Posts
679
Posts Per Day
0.23
Like the logline - could lead to some good visuals.

The Boring Thingís exit (after all this time) could have been built up a bit more.  Okay, its small (at first), but you could have had more fun with it.  Would we understand itís a subterranean creature thatís been inching its way to the surface for billions of years from that opening visual?  The logline tells us the what and the where from, but what is there in the story to show us that?  Feels like a missed opportunity especially given the narration at your disposal.

Does the Boring Thing eat or just dismember its victims?  

Nothing wrong with the idea, even kind of fun in places, but the execution feels rushed - tongue in cheek?  I appreciate that all entries will have been written quickly, but this felt written with a beginning and an end (I did like that final image) with less focus on the pages in between.


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 11 - 19
irish eyes
Posted: October 22nd, 2018, 3:19pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


There`s too much blood in my alcohol

Location
Upstate New York
Posts
1673
Posts Per Day
0.49
wow that was a chore

Boring as in boring a hole I guess. The story itself was not boring but it was hard to get through to the end.
The monster devouring everything in it's path and growing bigger as a result has been done so many times.

Although i hate the word 'pisser'  this seemed too comical to be taken seriously especially with 'Buttacre'

a lot of grammar issues and long passages

Good job on entering


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 12 - 19
Dreamscale
Posted: October 22nd, 2018, 10:24pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

Location
Cave Creek, AZ
Posts
11042
Posts Per Day
2.58
For starters, a terrible title.  Written by Mr. Ed brings me to think we may have a pisser on our hands.

Opening passage is terrible, sorry to say, but if this is indeed a pisser, we may have comedy gold here.

Love the 5 line 2nd passage.  How tiny is this "boring thing"?

"SFX" - Huh? WTF?  HA!  Followed by a 7 line passage.  Really?  OK...now I'm worried this isn't a pisser, so I don't want to be mean...I think I should bow out before I say anything else.

OMG...I can't stop.  This is classic stuff here.  Irish?  Is this you?  If so, you're on to something.  I'm laughing quite hard and looking forward to continuing.  Those character descriptions are awesome!

Page 2 - Nice Slug!  "LONG VIEW OF MAIN Street" - Wow...I'm jealous...I wish I wrote this!

"METTING HALL" - LOL!  Dude, you're fucking killing me here!  Loving this!!

LOL!!!  But we didn't see it eat any vehicles...so thanks for telling us!  

"fellow Banfulians" - Oh man, this is 1 of the best Pissers I've ever read.  I must notify Stevie..he will dig this for sure.

Loving the Slugwork...it's some of the best I've come across.

Dialogue is great!  Loving it!!

Good work on the spacing, also.  You've hit pretty much every possible mistake known to mankind.

"tubular terror" -  

Your use of past tense phrasings is also spot on.  Simply put, I FUCKING LOVE THIS SCRIPT!!!

BEAUTIFULLY written.  Amazingly thought out.  I want to be  1 of the investors in this project, because I know it will make bazillions at the box office.

Dude, you've hit it out of the park here, and I'm seriously jealous.

Grade - ****************************************** TIMES 47 Million more stars and 18 stripes to boot!!!!



To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 13 - 19
Dreamscale
Posted: October 22nd, 2018, 10:26pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

Location
Cave Creek, AZ
Posts
11042
Posts Per Day
2.58

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films
I need get understand why Jeff puts so much effort into these pissers.

It did make me laugh out loud, though.

And the premise would make for a nice b-movie feature.


I can only wish.  No, not mine, bro.  I didn't enter.  But if this was mine, I would be very proud!  



To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 14 - 19
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    October 2018 One Week Challenge  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006