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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Satan Claws
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  Author    Satan Claws  (currently 71 views)
Posted: November 30th, 2018, 11:28am Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Satan Claws by Matthew Taylor - Short, Comedy, Horror - An anxious boys Christmas joy is in danger when he discovers the truth behind Santa. 6 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

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Posted: December 7th, 2018, 5:20pm Report to Moderator

Cut to three weeks earlier

London, UK
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Hi Matt,

I liked this story.  It works for me overall.

The one thing I would question is that the boy's eight and the way he talks.  It's as if he's a boy a few years older.  Plus, the mother was quick to tell Chris the truth.  And that in my opinion surely wouldn't happen at such a young age.  

And also, the camera's a bit odd.  Maybe people do this.  I don't know.

I like the premise.  The start and the end.  It was also a fairly easy read too.  And I like the idea too.

Good job.

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Matthew Taylor
Posted: December 7th, 2018, 5:52pm Report to Moderator

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Thank you very much for giving this a read and commenting.

Your first two points I would agree with wholeheartedly. I should really add more of a struggle of the mother to tell the son, ultimately she want's to tell him the truth because the alternative is her son believing Satan is coming down the chimney - I need to readdress this.

I very much struggle with dialogue, working on it but I assume it will come with time and practice - I hope anyway.

The camera, I have not made this up, have you not seen these things for sale? Santa cams, parents put these thing up and I think they are horrible lol I also read a story recently about a schoolteacher putting one up in the classroom so the kids behaved, the parents were outraged lol.

Anyway, the read is appreciated. If I can return the favour drop me a PM - I'm not great but I am honest lol


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