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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Genetic Manipulation
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  Author    Genetic Manipulation  (currently 51 views)
Don
Posted: December 30th, 2018, 10:03am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Genetic Manipulation by Michael Pari - Short, Comedy - Jimmy & Robert live life as the homies they always aspired to be until an extremely relevant topic pops up, changing it all for the better? 7 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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HyperMatt
Posted: December 30th, 2018, 11:24am Report to Moderator
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This would be a nice and easy short to film. Dialogue heavy script. Some lines are funny. It’s not really my type of humour, but comedy is a very subjective and generational thing.

Jimmy and Robert should be capitalized when you first mention them and their ages, and it is clear from dialogue they are watching a sports game.

Are Robert and Jimmy’s dad got something going on?

Do you have to have so much dialogue capitalized? It’s distracting.

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Page 2.  
but you just put it up right – but should be ‘But’.

Unconfortable – should be ‘Uncomfortable’.
Page 4.
Egoistic – ‘Egoistical?’
you're renting this place.. – get rid of extra full stop.  
thats right – should be ‘that’s’ right.
Page 5.
Boing – I think you meant ‘Boeing’


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