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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    January 2019 -  One Week Challenge  ›  Colored Skulls - OWC
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  Author    Colored Skulls - OWC  (currently 1740 views)
Gary in Houston
Posted: February 9th, 2019, 9:33am Report to Moderator
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So my first draft in this challenge was also 12 pages and I found two pages to cut.  After reading this, there’s a lot of dialogue that could have been cut as well to get it under the limit.  There’s way too much talky and not enough showy going on here.

It’s really not a romance and barely a comedy. So beyond the page limit thing, you aren’t necessarily meeting the parameters. But best of luck going forward.

Gary


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

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khamanna
Posted: February 12th, 2019, 1:13am Report to Moderator
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So, this a script.

And here's my review for it:

I didn't have a big dinner today, instead went for a desert. And a had a large coffee with it. I'm thinking that maybe I need to cut on that coffee after all. It makes my heart pound.

Also, that stitching class I'm taking is a pain. I'm so sorry I didn't drop it. We have to stitch half of a dress. It's not even a whole dress, it's a half of it. But what's done is done and I'll have to stick with it. Can't wait to move forward to other classes, like learning photoshop and autocad. I'll do much better at those.

I hope I helped some. Good luck to you with it. and good job on entering.
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CameronD
Posted: February 12th, 2019, 10:07am Report to Moderator
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Oh no, A disclaimer at the beginning its over the page limit, is mostly dialogue AND that Aaron Sorkin would approve? Boy, you really know how to get me hyped for a good entry! This an't Masterclass. This is the OWC.

I'll read until I have no interest to. Let's see how far I get.

Page 3.

This no more more or less dialogue than is to be expected. You telling me you couldn't cut 2 pages out this somewhere? Lots of little direction in the dialogue I didn't care for, not sure how this was romantic or a comedy. The writer can write but kinda a lazy effort.

Next.


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Philostrate
Posted: February 13th, 2019, 5:33pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted Text
NOTE: This is longer than 10 pages but the script is mostly dialogue so it
would be a 10 minutes or less short on screen. Aaron Sorkin would have
approved. Please consider it

12 pages? DQ'ed - sorry.

If I have time later, I'll come back and give it a read.

Good job on entering.


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Spqr
Posted: February 14th, 2019, 12:12pm Report to Moderator
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I liked this big-time, but a lot of scripts could have benefitted from additional pages, so that has to be taken into consideration when scoring. But it's still one of the best scripts of the bunch.
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Dreamscale
Posted: February 14th, 2019, 12:36pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Spqr
I liked this big-time, but a lot of scripts could have benefitted from additional pages, so that has to be taken into consideration when scoring. But it's still one of the best scripts of the bunch.


It's 12 pages.  that's 2 over the limit.  IT's a DQ.  There should be no consideration for a score.

Am I missing something here?

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Zack
Posted: February 14th, 2019, 12:47pm Report to Moderator
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I'm with Jeff. Spqr, your post is sort of puzzling to me.

As for the script itself, I didn't make it far. Besides the off-putting and snarky "warning" on the title page, the very first action line is back to back sentences starting with "We". Big no-no.

Sorry, but I'm out.

Zack
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irish eyes
Posted: February 15th, 2019, 8:09am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale
It's 12 pages.  that's 2 over the limit.  IT's a DQ.  There should be no consideration for a score.

Am I missing something here?


Maybe it's his script  


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: February 15th, 2019, 7:48pm Report to Moderator
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12 pages...

Weirdly I'm watching Big Trouble in Little China as I read this...

5 pages in and not seeing any rom at all. Not by 8 either.

Sorry extra pages and not meeting genre requirement.

Pass


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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