The Brooch by Kendra Peterson - Short, Drama - After discovering that her wealthy husband has been cheating on her, a housewife asks her maid to do the unthinkable: kill him.  7 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hey Kendra,
Overall i liked the story. It was simple enough with enough of a twist to keep me engaged. I called that Delilah was the woman Gregory was cheating with but didn't see the double kill coming.
Theres a couple Orphans you can fix up with some sentence restructuring that should get rid of the pesky couple lines on the last page.
Keep it up!
Logan

This is a fun little tale, and it has a clear structure, with a proper ending.

Reading through it, I considered where it would go, and thought perhaps Alice knew Delilah was the culprit, and was luring her to kill her.

Couple practical issues with the story that I feel need tightening / clarifying:

1) Why wouldn't Alice just do it herself? She could save herself a whole load of hassle, and blame Delilah anyway, or was the point she wanted Delilah complicit?

2) Why would Alice eat from either bowl? It's not clear in the script she eats from the second bowl, but presumably does. Either way, it seems counterintuitive to put herself in harm's way.

3) How would Gregory know it was a poisoning?

So I think the main thing is to work on character motivations a little more, and that will tighten the script. Also, I think the dialogue needs some work, as it doesn't read true, for me.

I could see this easily made into a good short, especially if the tone is dark, something in the vein of Fargo.

Thank you both so much for your feedback! I will def work on plot holes and trimming the last page!