SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is May 26th, 2019, 11:32am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
The Writers' Tournament is back...


The Beginners Guide to the SimplyScripts Discussion Board (WIP)


Yes, I am running script reviews, again...

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  A Shot To The Gut Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    A Shot To The Gut  (currently 281 views)
Don
Posted: May 9th, 2019, 5:30pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
12993
Posts Per Day
1.94
A Shot To The Gut by Eric C Dickson - Horror - While traveling home on Route 66, a man has visions of a mechanic who was shot, carjacked and left to die on this same stretch of road.   121 pages  - pdf format

Based on the OWC Short Gut Shot.

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (3 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  May 13th, 2019, 12:29pm
revised draft
Logged
Site Private Message
Dreamscale
Posted: May 9th, 2019, 5:41pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

Location
Cave Creek, AZ
Posts
10742
Posts Per Day
2.56
Eric, did you just wrote this whole thing, based off your OWC short?

If so, that's pretty amazingly FAST!


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 9
ericdickson
Posted: May 9th, 2019, 5:56pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Location
Orlando, FL
Posts
337
Posts Per Day
0.08

Quoted from Dreamscale
Eric, did you just wrote this whole thing, based off your OWC short?

If so, that's pretty amazingly FAST!


Yes, sir.  I binge wrote for over a week.  After work, the weekend, etc.  

I'm still afraid the first ten or twelve pages may still boggle some folks but it's in feature form now.  I'll be interested in seeing how the pieces come together for the reader.  

This just didn't work in short form.  Too many loose ends.  Per many suggestions, I took out the licensed eighties songs that seemed to be a source of irritation.  Also, I added the phone call between Stephen and Tanya to make the break-up more clear.   Hence, why he's packing his shit and headed across the desert.  

I see the flashback stuff and cutting back and forth between time thing can STILL be rewritten some.  Even if I have to spell it out.  

...As Stephen sits up, he notices he's back in present time, back at the Racetrack...

Or something to that effect.  
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 9
ericdickson
Posted: May 9th, 2019, 5:59pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Location
Orlando, FL
Posts
337
Posts Per Day
0.08
...And I just noticed the wrong draft was uploaded

  

Damnit, man!  

Jeff, don't read this version    

I've since taken the bold slugs out, tightened up and streamlined the descriptions.  Poor Don.  I've submitted three versions already.  
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 9
Dreamscale
Posted: May 9th, 2019, 6:00pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

Location
Cave Creek, AZ
Posts
10742
Posts Per Day
2.56

Quoted from ericdickson


Yes, sir.  I binge wrote for over a week.  After work, the weekend, etc.  

I'm still afraid the first ten or twelve pages may still boggle some folks but it's in feature form now.  I'll be interested in seeing how the pieces come together for the reader.  

This just didn't work in short form.  Too many loose ends.  Per many suggestions, I took out the licensed eighties songs that seemed to be a source of irritation.  Also, I added the phone call between Stephen and Tanya to make the break-up more clear.   Hence, why he's packing his shit and headed across the desert.  

I see the flashback stuff and cutting back and forth between time thing can STILL be rewritten some.  Even if I have to spell it out.  

...As Stephen sits up, he notices he's back in present time, back at the Racetrack...

Or something to that effect.  


Very impressive, brother!  I'll see if I can give it a read, but no promises.



To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 9
ericdickson
Posted: May 9th, 2019, 6:13pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Location
Orlando, FL
Posts
337
Posts Per Day
0.08

Quoted from Dreamscale


Very impressive, brother!  I'll see if I can give it a read, but no promises.



I was afraid the wrong draft would get uploaded.  I've saved so many different versions, I uploaded the first draft and not the third.  

Basically, no more bolds.  I also found LOTS of instances of character dialogue following the same exact character who just spoke.  This happens when you go back and tweak the script and the software thinks your character is on two separate pages.  More Writer Duet bugs.  

I'm sure the correct draft should be uploaded in the next day or so.  No rush!    
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 9
LC
Posted: May 9th, 2019, 8:37pm Report to Moderator
Moderator


Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
3318
Posts Per Day
0.85
Eric, seems your breakup was a blessing in disguise.

I note you said the current draft is not up yet but was giving it a quick scan. I'm posting this teaser cause it jumps off the page:

He checks over his shoulder...
The Black Nova long gone.


EXT. ROUTE 66 - NIGHT
The Corvette back on the road. All alone. And the long
stretch at its darkest.

INT. CORVETTE - NIGHT
Stephen dips in and out. His eyes heavy and bloodshot.

STEPHEN
It's okay. No one's coming after
you. No one wants you dead. It's
just all in your head. You're just
going crazy, Stephen. That's all.
You see? You're even talking to
yourself. When did that start?

Paranoia taking him over, Stephen checks his rearview mirror:

No sign of the Black Nova.

And out of nowhere...

ZOOOOMMMM!

The BLACK NOVA passes him doing well over a hundred.

STEPHEN
Holy shit!

And the Black Nova is gone. As if it entered some sort of
worm hole or reached the speed of light.

And OUT OF NOWHERE...
It's parked dead center of the highway. No tail lights. No
nothing. About to get slammed into.

STEPHEN
FUCK!

Stephen CUTS A HARD LEFT --
-- barely missing it.

Great stuff!

A distinct Stephen King vibe to the character's inner monologue, and the pace of this action sequence is terrific and very well written.
.
Talk about page-turners. Inspiring.

Well done, you.  




Logged
Private Message Reply: 6 - 9
ericdickson
Posted: May 9th, 2019, 8:45pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Location
Orlando, FL
Posts
337
Posts Per Day
0.08

Quoted from LC
Eric, seems your breakup was a blessing in disguise.

I note you said the current draft is not up yet but was giving it a quick scan. I'm posting this teaser cause it jumps off the page:

He checks over his shoulder...
The Black Nova long gone.


EXT. ROUTE 66 - NIGHT
The Corvette back on the road. All alone. And the long
stretch at its darkest.

INT. CORVETTE - NIGHT
Stephen dips in and out. His eyes heavy and bloodshot.

STEPHEN
It's okay. No one's coming after
you. No one wants you dead. It's
just all in your head. You're just
going crazy, Stephen. That's all.
You see? You're even talking to
yourself. When did that start?

Paranoia taking him over, Stephen checks his rearview mirror:

No sign of the Black Nova.

And out of nowhere...

ZOOOOMMMM!

The BLACK NOVA passes him doing well over a hundred.

STEPHEN
Holy shit!

And the Black Nova is gone. As if it entered some sort of
worm hole or reached the speed of light.

And OUT OF NOWHERE...
It's parked dead center of the highway. No tail lights. No
nothing. About to get slammed into.

STEPHEN
FUCK!

Stephen CUTS A HARD LEFT --
-- barely missing it.

Great stuff!

A distinct Stephen King vibe to the character's inner monologue, and the pace of this action sequence is terrific and very well written.
.
Talk about page-turners. Inspiring.

Well done, you.  




Bless you!  

I tend to obsess over the look of the software.  First, I wrote this in Trelby.  And then Writer Duet.  And then boldfaced all the slugs.  And then decided that looks like crap.  Finally, I went back and did another draft.  

I'm very happy that this is working to an extent.  
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 9
ericdickson
Posted: May 14th, 2019, 3:55pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Location
Orlando, FL
Posts
337
Posts Per Day
0.08
I already got an email from an Indian director wanting to option this.  Here were my options.  He takes the script, rewrites it and I have the option to not be paid.

Needless to say, I passed.    

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 9
eldave1
Posted: May 14th, 2019, 7:18pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Southern California
Posts
4534
Posts Per Day
2.58

Quoted from ericdickson
I already got an email from an Indian director wanting to option this.  Here were my options.  He takes the script, rewrites it and I have the option to not be paid.

Needless to say, I passed.    



lol - people are funny


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 9 - 9
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Horror Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006