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Just Stop by The Temp - A counseling session gets tense when a patient's husband agrees with everything she says. 5 pages - Short, Comedy, Horror, Action
I think you're on to something here but there's a bit of a disconnect for me in that you made Dr Scott a bobblehead as well as Dwight. I think you should rethink that choice. Be interested what others think re that.
Btw: deep-seeded anger Should be: deep-seated
Visually this'd be quite funny. And, I like very much all the wooden / no personality/ caricature dialogue. It worked well.
I wasn't feeling the horror. Horror- lite, though I'm sure if I were Dwight it'd be horrific.
Your denouement results in a very different kind of Bobblehead - a Bobblehead Transformer, you might say.
P.S. Perhaps you should call this 'Whittled' or 'Whittle Man.'
OK. This one works... but is let down by the extra dialogue at the end. Drop the charlatan line. Hold the action on Dwight. When he agrees with her for the final time just have her chop into him. Then move onto the doctor. Have the shavings flying as a frame change, then cut to the dildos and maybe just have her raise one eyebrow or something. The final line isn't very strong.
This is the best I've read so far. This is how you do horror comedy.
There's not meant to be real horror, it's a horror-comedy. The horror is meant to be funny, not scary. Somebody being stabbed to death in a horror comedy is funny - even if it's gory. Somebody being stabbed to death in a straight horror is horrifying - when done right.
Even before opening it I am worried - you have 3 genres listed (Comedy, Horror, Action) - the parameters were to fuse two together - only two.
Just Stop - or revenge of the dolls? - last minute name change?
Ok - it's not action - no idea why you put that as one of the genres - so you did only fuse the two.
I liked the comedy, to be honest - the ending landed for me.
it was a quick, simple read - well executed, some more of the horror could have come out of this - show more of the suffering/killing of the bobbleheads.
I found myself chuckling ever so slightly (that's a guffaw for most people), so points for that.
I agree, this one works and could be produced easily and successfully.
But frankly, it's twice as long as it needs to be. Cut half the dialog and focus on the visual gags and you could have a pretty cute short - you already do, but y'know.
A well written piece, nothing really jumped out at me.
I quite liked the setup, I’ve done something similar in the past, give inanimate objects 'personality', so the comedy worked for me for the most part.
There wasn’t any horror, just a comedy. It's hard to get too invested in the idea that bobblehead dolls are being butchered, funny sure, horrific, not at all.
I also didn’t see any action, I presume that may be a typo considering the story.
I have to meekly raise my hand in the corner and admit...I really, really liked this!
It made me laugh. Several times. And it's hard for a script to make a person laugh.
The images were very good. The bobble shrink and bobble husband.
And things fit. Bobbles seem to always be agreeing with someone! So in this case he always agrees with his wife, which used to be endearing but now has become intolerable. A VERY apt metaphor.
The only problem was criteria. This is straight comedy. A super reach to call this horror or action. That leaves me unsure how to score. I would actually say, to my shock, this is so far my favorite. But without ignoring the fusion requirement(unless we consider doll mutilation horrible), this story would not have been possible.
I think I will subtract one point also from the "story" category. But it will score well enough in other areas to vault into the lead on my board. Thanks for the fun read!
This is one of those ones you laugh at and then feel guilty for doing so. It was fun and silly and mindless, but it was also the shortest one I’ve read so far so bonus points for that!
Probably could cut a few lines here and there and get it down to just three pages. I like the idea that both the Doc and the husband are bobble heads. It might be even sillier to imagine them in a bobble head world where she’s the only human. That might require more exposition than in wanted here. You could also make everyone a bobble head. That could have been interesting.
Still, liked it for what it was, a fun, breezy read.
Also, out of all the ones I’ve read so far, this might be the easiest to film.
Best of luck, Gary
Some of my scripts:
Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
I guess it fills the genre category more or less. I didnt get the story here and why Dwight was responding being the doll and all. Him agreeing with her on everything - thats funny. The story is thin for me though
This could also be filmed without using large Bobbleheads but humans in place. The Bobbleheads could be on a desk or bookshelf and when the husband agrees with an irritating nod of the head, the frame cuts to one of the nodding bobbleheads. Same with the doctor. So, they don't actually need to be bobbleheads to appear as bobbleheads.
This is the best story I've read so far that correctly fuses two genres, and it uses the bobblehead theme to its fullest.