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Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind - WT5 (currently 1940 views) |
Don |
Posted: July 2nd, 2019, 7:32pm |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16438 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind by Richard Doofus - When their construction truck breaks down, two workers pass the time by playing with their tools. - Short, Sci Fi |
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------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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Zack |
Posted: July 2nd, 2019, 8:33pm |
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January Project Group
LocationErlanger, KY Posts4500 Posts Per Day 0.69 |
Short, cute story. Well written. Meets the criteria. Good work. I like it. |
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LC |
Posted: July 2nd, 2019, 8:58pm |
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Administrator
LocationThe Great Southern Land Posts7628 Posts Per Day 1.34 |
Well, you get points for getting an entry in - literally as well as figuratively. And, it's short and sweet. I wondered if someone might use the object as musical instrument. The story itself doesn't quite hit the mark for me, but with a few tweaks, maybe... I just anticipated a bit more with the logline but good effort all the same. |
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Warren |
Posted: July 3rd, 2019, 12:28am |
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Of The Ancients A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3897 Posts Per Day 1.35 |
Hi writer,
Quoted Text Californian Mojave Desert |
If it's important to the story put it in a SUPER. So not a whole lot to this, it okay for what it is, funny ending. Not really a story just a one trick pony. I'm sure you know that as it's a page and a half long. So the broken down car isn’t a location at any point. It’s in a location. I'm happy if people aren’t in a car the entire time just like any other location in this tourney, but considering that is part of the criteria I don’t feel it has been met. Others may be more lenient. Good use of the saw and its definitely sci-fi. All the best. |
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PrussianMosby |
Posted: July 3rd, 2019, 4:28am |
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Posts1399 Posts Per Day 0.36 |
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE NERD KIND
Okay, you've chosen to walk with a little skit here. Annnnndd… it works as I see it. Using the saw as an instrument hasn't crossed my mind, however it's possible. Surely, this isn't overly exciting but I could definitely imagine it as a little piece for commercials. Good choice to go simple I think. Criteria's well met. |
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Matthew Taylor |
Posted: July 3rd, 2019, 7:20am |
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January Project Group
LocationShakespeare's county Posts1770 Posts Per Day 0.88 |
Hello writer
A page and a half - THANKYOU
More like a joke than a story, a joke that may be lost on me - I've never ordered an Uber, does it have to be done with music? probably not - with the app I guess. Maybe Uber can use this for one of their adverts.
Well done for completing the tournament |
| Feature
42.2
Two steps to writing a good screenplay: 1) Write a bad one 2) Fix it |
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Fais85 |
Posted: July 3rd, 2019, 9:40am |
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LocationIndia Posts190 Posts Per Day 0.10 |
Short and cute. Innovative use of handsaw. However, as a location, I am not sure if this fits in the criteria or not. But I liked this one. |
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jayrex |
Posted: July 3rd, 2019, 12:01pm |
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Old Timer Cut to three weeks earlier
LocationLondon, UK Posts1420 Posts Per Day 0.22 |
It’s okay. I think you started with the ending and worked backwards. It meets the criteria. Short & sweet. |
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AnthonyCawood |
Posted: July 3rd, 2019, 6:29pm |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4323 Posts Per Day 1.13 |
Short, cute and more of a joke than a real story to it... but I liked it for what it was.
Decent effort. |
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Gary in Houston |
Posted: July 4th, 2019, 8:37am |
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January Project Group
LocationTexas Posts1306 Posts Per Day 0.31 |
Hey, it's a real short short!!! My deepest appreciation to you for saving my eyeballs from the extra read!
We have a broken down truck -- they're actually sitting on the truck so bonus points for having them on or in the vehicle. You used the saw in a way I wasn't anticipating, so good there, and you have space ships. So criteria met.
Look, it's not Aaron Sorkin, but it's fun and quick and harmless. And a nice call out to Close Encounters of the Third Kind, both in the title and the calling of the space ships.
Best of luck, and congrats on finishing the Challenge! Gary
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| Some of my scripts:
Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
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Matthew Taylor |
Posted: July 4th, 2019, 9:39am |
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January Project Group
LocationShakespeare's county Posts1770 Posts Per Day 0.88 |
Ooooo silly me lol
I've never seen close encounters of the third kind - I get this now lol talk about a late penny drop. |
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42.2
Two steps to writing a good screenplay: 1) Write a bad one 2) Fix it |
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eldave1 |
Posted: July 4th, 2019, 11:03am |
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January Project Group
LocationSouthern California Posts6874 Posts Per Day 1.93 |
Meets the parameter - liked the way you used the saw.
Well written enough - but not a lot of there - there for me. As soon is the ship appeared, you knew where it was going based on your title.
Good effort for three days |
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PKCardinal |
Posted: July 4th, 2019, 12:16pm |
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January Project Group
LocationKansas Posts1448 Posts Per Day 0.63 |
I liked it.
They're sitting on the truck bed, so, I definitely think parameters are met.
Sure, it's silly, but it made me laugh, so that's a win in my book.
Well done.
(Logline fits the tone of the piece. Must admit, wasn't looking forward to reading about two guys playing with their "tools.") |
| PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror |
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Spqr |
Posted: July 4th, 2019, 3:13pm |
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Posts483 Posts Per Day 0.09 |
Short but entertaining. And the saw was actually used to accomplish something, not just used as a prop. The saw music calling down a space uber was funny, but I would’ve thought the irritating sound would’ve drawn a space cop instead. |
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JEStaats |
Posted: July 5th, 2019, 12:53pm |
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Old Timer No sh*t, there I was....
LocationTucson, AZ Posts1736 Posts Per Day 0.62 |
I'm so disappointed! I loved it all the way to the final line and then...blah. I was hoping for so much more.
Very creative and well written for just three pages. Challenge met. Good characters.
Please rework the ending. This could be really cool, funny, action packed, horrific.... |
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