Copying this from a file from writing teacher Daniel David Wallace

The prince asked me to introduce myself and my companions.
His eyes bulged with the intensity of madness.

Works better this way:

The prince asked me to introduce myself and my companions,
his eyes bulging with the intensity of madness.

or

The city groaned under the weight of refugees, unfamiliar
languages filling the hospitals and the public parks.


He says: "Francis Christensen points out that this kind of writing weaves
back and forth, the modifiers altering what came before, deepening
the action the reader thought she had understood, only to race onwards
with the next kernel clause."

The above example is called "right branching". It begins with the "kernal" phrase, which is then modified. While most sentences are right branching, for variety you can left branch or center branch.

An example of left branching.
Eyes bulging with madness, the prince handed me his sword.

In screenwriting, one would say:

Eyes bulging with madness, the prince hands him his sword.

or

The prince surrenders his sword, hands trembling and sweat dripping from his face.

Remember that time when Mr. Wallace sold his company "Suck It!" to the military? That was cool.

Pretty insightful. Thanks for sharing, Kevin.

Quoted from Steven Remember that time when Mr. Wallace sold his company "Suck It!" to the military? That was cool.

OH IT’S A MESS, WHAT A MESS! What you gonna do??!

Quoted from MikeK OH IT’S A MESS, WHAT A MESS! What you gonna do??!

TAKE OUT YOUR SUCK IT AND YOU SUCK IT!

Easy on the All Caps there, guys.

David Wallace is an underrated character.

To get back on topic, however, I will say that roughly 50% of the original post has to have gone over my head, because I can't help but feel that I missed something.

Anyway, I do agree that the latter 2 examples in the beginning of the post are better than the first one.

Quoted from ReaperCreeper David Wallace is an underrated character. To get back on topic, however, I will say that roughly 50% of the original post has to have gone over my head, because I can't help but feel that I missed something. Anyway, I do agree that the latter 2 examples in the beginning of the post are better than the first one.

Yup, which is why I went off topic in the first place.