Nightmares by Steven Sallie - Short, Horror - A mother has a terrifying nightmare involving her son.  4 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hey, Steven

This was a nice easy read. Well written. I’ve been reading “The Ring” to get a sense of how ellipses, em dashes and ALL CAPS can be used in scripts. I think they are well used in this.

Quoted Text The door is open slightly -- a small sliver of light peaks through onto the hardwood floor.

Quoted Text Emma opens the door. Enters... INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT ...to find Kevin drawing on the walls.

I don’t have any big complaints, only minor choices I would have made differently for whatever that’s worth haha.

For example, in the opening, while “Every boys dream bedroom” is a tell, for the most part people have some idea of what that is, and you go on to describe it for good measure, which is why it may be better suited to be tacked onto the end of descriptive narrative rather than the beginning.

Quoted Text Every boy's dream bedroom. Model planes hang from the ceiling. Superhero posters cover the walls. The bed has a race car frame.

Quoted Text Model planes hang from the ceiling. Superhero posters cover the walls. The bed has a race car frame. Every boy's dream bedroom.

Rather than opening on a tell, the script opens on an image, ‘model planes hang from the ceiling.”

From a reader’s perspective, I prefer this but like I said nothing serious because on screen we will still see the same thing. Solid ending.

BLB.