SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 7:07pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Dramedy Scripts  ›  Six equals Nine
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Six equals Nine  (currently 706 views)
Don
Posted: September 15th, 2019, 11:52am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Six equals Nine by Christine Locker & Lee Ann Riddle - Short, Dramedy - A cash drop off to apartment six goes horribly right when it should have been made to number nine. 6 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Kevin_L
Posted: September 17th, 2019, 1:53am Report to Moderator
New



Posts
137
Posts Per Day
0.02
Hello,

Just a quick thought about your script.  What if at the beginning Marvin walks in front of the car and waves as he goes by on his way up to his apartment? Just being a friendly person.

Stan goes up and knocks on apartment "6."  Then the exchange like you have it.  Samantha comes out of the restroom.   Marvin shows her the cash and Samantha says they forgot to get their briefcase back. They don't have a use for it. They will buy one.Marvin tells her what kind of car they drive.  

Stan goes back to Brenda and suggests the both of them should walk across the street to get some chow before they continue.  Once they go into the Deli. Samantha comes down, finds the car and lays the briefcase in the back floorboard with a big thank you note taped on it.  She goes back up.

Samuel rushes up to his door right behind Samantha. His phone rings. Yeah, he's home and hangs up. Blows Samantha off. She does the six to a nine.   Samantha and Marvin sit at the kitchen table next to a window admiring their new windfall.    

Brenda and Stan back in the car.  He pulls out a black device with a big red button. So long
Marvin and Samuel. He presses the red button and beep beep beep.  They both look in the back and each other. OH...Crap.

Back in Marvin and Samantha's apartment, they still count the cash. An explosion and smoke rise in front of their window.

It's just a little spin on your story. Not that your version is bad.

All the best!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Dramedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006