Star Wars Spec Script - WIP :: SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board

My co-writer friend and I are working on a Star Wars spec script. It takes place mostly during the events happening in Episode I, except with a mostly new cast of characters and it's going to be female-driven. The action will be more inspired by the animated Clone Wars series by Genndy Tartakovsky than the film versions. Please let us know what you think of the story so far.

Title: STAR WARS: THE SECRET ORDER

Logline: Two Jedi, who have orders to secretly perform criminal deeds, break through a blockade to deliver supplies to moons in exchange for credits, while two Sith Lords are tasked with stopping them.

Synopsis:

- LOTH and her Mistress, SCARLEX, arrive at the planet NIUM. It is pitch black in most areas of the planet, except for the light emitting from the sparkling purple snow. They survey the planet using a hi-tech device created by Loth and locate their targets.

- A guard stands at his post with a fire blazing beside him. Suddenly a pair of glowing red eyes that belong to Scarlex cuts through the darkness and lures the guard to her. Posing as Jedi, Scarlex and Loth go through the heavily-wooded area, killing all the guards. Afterwards, they stand outside the tent housing DARTH SIDIOUS and DARTH MAUL, who step out to greet the intruders.

- Loth and Scarlex press a button on their lightsabers, switching their sabers's colour to red. Then Loth challenges Maul to battle, while Scarlex battles Sidious. Loth disarms Maul then she challenges him to duel hand-to-hand. The lightsaber fight between Scarlex and Sidious rages on. Sidious defeats Scarlex in the end, so Loth takes Maul hostage and threatens to kill him. Sidious spares Scarlex and Loth lets Maul go. Sidious is very impressed with the power of Loth and Scarlex. He and Scarlex make a pact to disregard the Rule of Two.

- FAN-YI and her Padawan, LIAO-KAI, are two Jedi part of the Secret Order, who complete many of the Jedi's more questionable missions. They pose as Sith Lords so no one suspects the Jedi of their criminal actions. The two Jedi meet with a GUNGAN named GOM DINTO, in an underwater cave on the planet NABOO. Gom had previously made a deal with the Jedi to trade a Gungan weapon, a Booma, for refuge and many credits. Fan-Yi and Liao-Kai take the weapon from the Gungan without fulfilling their end of the bargain.

- The Jedi exit the cave and reach the shore of a beach, though they are followed by a humongous amphibious creature called a GISHYGYPHY being rode by Gom Dinto. Fan-Yi and Liao- Kai murder the beast, and spare the Gungan, knowing he will most likely be sentenced to death for theft.

- Fan-Yi and Liao-Kai meet secretly with a member of the Jedi Council on the planet CORUSCANT. The council member, AMPSHA ROOXI, takes the Gungan weapon they retrieved, and she says its purpose will be revealed in due time. Next, the Jedi of the Secret Order are given another mission, in which they must collect credits for transporting food and supplies to the two moons of Naboo which is currently having its trade routes blocked by the Trade Federation.

- Fan-Yi and Liao-Kai are nearing their first destination, when a small army of attack ships arrive to block their path. The Trade Federation ambassadors speak with the Jedi through their ship’s hologram console. Fan-Yi convinces the Federation that they are non-profit Galactic-Eco Peacekeepers, there to deliver new species of plant and animal life to the moons to help replenish their ecosystems. The Trade Federation are suspicious and do not know what to do because trades normally involve weapons, food, and resources. Fan-Yi makes mention that they have no blockade ships surrounding the moons, so it must be okay to let them through. The Trade ambassadors agree. Fan-Yi and Liao-Kai are let through and continue their travels.

- The Trade Federation contacts their Mistress, Empress Scarlex, to let her know what happened. Scarlex is displeased with what they had done, in case it is an attempt to stop their attack on Naboo. Scarlex appoints Loth to go after the trespassers herself. Loth says it will take her some time to reach their location, and she suggests the Trade Federation send her newly developed advanced-battle droids in the meantime.

- The two Jedi travel to the first moon they are supplying, VIRZAK. It is a moon with a rocky-terrain, where it's always daytime and there's always lightning storms and heavy rain that drains into the planet's core and evaporates. Fan-Yi and Liao-Kai arrive, then so do the gang of battle droids shortly after. The Jedi defeat the droids after an intense battle. They unload and hand over all the supplies and collect their payment.

- The second moon the Jedi must supply is JAZMAX. It is one big desert with one gigantic volcano that is visible from space. A young girl named KIEBAIL is excited for the Jedi's arrival, thinking they are Sith. Her mother explains to her they are bad people, still Kiebail admires their power. Fan-Yi and Liao-Kai transfer the goods and are about to receive their payment, when Darth Loth arrives and stops the proceedings.

Loth lands her starpod, while her main starship waits for her command outside the planet. Loth questions whether or not Fan-Yi and Liao-Kai are in fact Sith. Loth takes a villager hostage, Kiebail's mother, and says she is going to drop her into the planet's volcano if she doesn't get the credits meant for the Jedi. Fan-Yi shoots the hostage in the head with her blaster and kills her, so the Sith no longer has any leverage and to convince her they aren't Jedi.

- Next, Loth uses the power of the Dark Side to lift the crate full of credits to her, while the Jedi try to stop her using the power of the Force. The Jedi's feet drag through the dirt trying to get back the crate, to no success. Loth retrieves the credits and goes to drop them in the volcano. Fan-Yi and Liao-Kai ask for the village's fastest ship, and are reluctantly given an unfinished pod-racer that they are building to use in future racing events.

- The Jedi chase after Loth and catch up to her when she is above the volcano. The Jedi ride the pod-racer up the volcano’s edge and then very high up into the sky. They activate the thrusters and the racer drops directly in front of Loth’s ship. The Jedi jump aboard the starpod and steal back the credits.

- The Jedi kick Loth off her own ship, and she plummets towards the lava. Loth remotely controls her starship to her location. She lands on top her starship, and watches Fan-Yi and Liao-Kai retreat back to their ship they left outside the village. Loth retaliates by activating her ship's improved hyperdrive while inside the planet's atmosphere. She travels around Jazmax at light-speed, nearly sawing the planet in half.

- Loth departs to collect Empress Scarlex. The starpod the Jedi were in crashes from Loth’s attack on the moon, and they race back to their ship on foot and find it destroyed from Loth’s advanced hyperdrive tactic, as well as the village they sold the supplies to and their first payment is mostly lost.

- Kiebail rises out of the rubble that was once her home. Kiebail blames the Jedi for the massacre of her village, and she demands retribution. The Jedi offer her this chance. Liao-Kai lends Kiebail her lightsaber, and she uses it to battle Fan-Yi. Kiebail puts up a good fight, though she is defeated.

- Fan-Yi is impressed with Kiebail's skill, even in the absence of sensing much of the Force in her. Fan-Yi convinces Liao-Kai that they must recruit her secretly to join their ranks and help them on missions. Kiebail is led to believe Fan-Yi and Liao-Kai are Sith Lords, since no one must know they are really Jedi. Meanwhile, the Jedi are unaware that Fan-Yi had just recently shot Kiebail's mother who was taken hostage.

- Fan-Yi, Liao-Kai, and Kiebail travel to the next nearest village, who have in their possession a broken-down starship that the Jedi take ownership over. The chief of the village tells them the parts they need for the ship to function should be found with a savage nomadic tribe of creatures called GREZLERZ. The Jedi learn it’s near-impossible to track Grezlerz because their bodies are so light they do not leave footprints.

- The chief tells Fan-Yi and Liao-Kai that there’s a Grezler defector who no longer travels with her tribe. He tells the Jedi where to locate her, inside a saloon on the outskirts of their village. The Jedi arrive at the saloon and approach the Grezler named XUEX’L. She looks like an amoeba that has taken on the form of a human, though they never managed to get the hands and feet right. Inside their see-through body is a ventricular system and inside their heads is a system of lights.

- The Jedi convince Xuex'L to help them, and weeks later, they locate the tribe of Grezlerz. Xuex’L says she cannot join them in retrieving the parts, so the others go without her. Fan-Yi, Liao-Kai, and Kiebail approach the creatures. Soon as they’re spotted, the Grezlerz go on the attack. The Jedi are captured after a short battle.

- Kiebail is about to be executed first, when Xuex’L joins in the fight to save her. All of the Grezlerz advance on Xuex’L slowly, their light-force within their bodies now flashing red. Xuex’L appears to be in an incredible amount of pain.

- Kiebail frees Fan-Yi and Liao-Kai, while The Grezlerz finish hypnotizing Xuex’L with their red lights until she is a savage like them. She fires her blasters at her friends. The Jedi go on the defense and Kiebail runs to search the Grezlerz collection for a weapon. Kiebail finds an old lightsaber. Together, Fan-Yi, Liao- Kai, and Kiebail defeat the Grezlerz. Xuex’L still does not recognize her friends and tries to kill them. Kiebail convinces Fan-Yi to tie her up instead of killing her.

- The Jedi have the starship parts needed, and they race back to the ship they acquired from the second village. The planet is near total destruction. Burning hot black tar and oil seeps through its surface and also huge geysers of fire blast into the sky.

- Darth Loth returns with Empress Scarlex, and together they confront the Jedi. The Sith Lords convince Kiebail to join them, after Kiebail admits to the Jedi the truth about her mother's assassination, and the Sith show the young girl visions of her mother still alive.

- Kiebail joins ranks with the Sith, then Empress Scarlex hypnotizes Fan-Yi, using her glowing red eyes, to battle Liao-Kai in a lightsaber duel. Fan-Yi is about to murder Liao-Kai, though Xuex'L returns and saves Liao-Kai by shooting Fan-Yi's lightsaber until it's broken.

- Xuex'L then attempts to hypnotize the Sith using her own light-system. She flashes red lights at Loth, Scarlex, and Kiebail. Xuex'L forces Scarlex to hold still long enough for her and Fan-Yi to shoot out both her eyes with their blasters. Xuex'L's light-force attack works best at close-range, and Loth manages to kill her when she gets close enough to the Sith.

- Loth and Kiebail try to kill the Jedi themselves since Scarlex is now blind. Though Kiebail is untrained and Loth is frantic, so the Jedi defeat them easily and steal Loth's starship. They ask Kiebail to leave with them. She refuses. The Jedi shoot the junker starship they previously took from the village, so the Sith cannot escape the planet.

- The Jedi deliver the credits they collected to the council member they usually meet with, and Ampsha Rooxi thanks them. The Jedi apologize for not retrieving all the credits they were supposed to and Ampsha says the Council were prepared for this to happen. Later, Ampsha arrives at the planet KAMINOANS, where she purchases the CLONE ARMY on behalf of the Jedi Council.