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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Just Do It! The Unauthorized Rise of Nike Moderators: bert
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  Author    Just Do It! The Unauthorized Rise of Nike  (currently 1593 views)
Don
Posted: March 7th, 2020, 2:14pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Just Do It! The Unauthorized Rise of NIKE by Jason Benoit - Drama - This is the story of the formation, rise, fall and eventual rise again of the most innovative sports brand in the world... NIKE. The Swoosh, Phil Knight, and Beaverton, Oregon. From Bill Bowerman and his track stars at Oregon, to Phil's eventual choice to step aside as CEO following the untimely death of his eldest son.  122 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  February 13th, 2022, 12:32pm
revised draft
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EC
Posted: March 9th, 2020, 10:06pm Report to Moderator
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Two pages in and I have already decided -- perfect!
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eldave1
Posted: March 10th, 2020, 10:42am Report to Moderator
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Jason:

I read the first ten.

Overall - I love your general writing style and am quite enviousness of how easy you make the read.

The dialogue. at least for me, was unnatural and a bit stilted. If you're around I dissect specific examples with you, Otherwise - just know at least for me the dialogue was the only part of the script that didn't land for me.

But again - love your writing



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Warren
Posted: March 11th, 2020, 9:51pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


A man who has taught his mind to misbehave

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50 pages in and I'm loving it, I did from the first few pages and just couldn't stop reading. It's a great story and very well told. I'd finish it in one sitting if I had the time.

I'll be back to finish this off shortly, well done on a fantastic piece of writing.

It does need another edit, a few mistakes here and there, but nothing that detracts form the story in any way.

The are also some style choices that I wouldn't personally make but here it just all seems to work.



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Warren
Posted: March 11th, 2020, 11:17pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


A man who has taught his mind to misbehave

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Got in another 30 pages. My only criticism would be that there are quite a few scenes that just feel way too rushed. Understandable to a point because of the amount of story you need to cover.

Was also inspired to read up on some of the story and real life characters and did stumble across the fact that Phil Knight's memoir is being turned into a film already. I'm interested to know if you knew that going into this script?


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BillyJ
Posted: March 12th, 2020, 7:13am Report to Moderator
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Hey, I read it too and I believe it's brilliant. I'm new here but after reading your script I kept editing mine, cutting it down to make it clearer. Beautiful work, I hope to be more like you, your skilled.


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SAC
Posted: March 13th, 2020, 9:43am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


… but some dreams do

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Writer,

I hope you show up to respond to some folks who commented on your script.

That said, this truly was an inspirational story. At least that was the emotion it evoked. But not without lessons learned, hardship, and the price one pays for wanting to be the best.

As always, I'm curious to know how long this took to write, and the amount of research you put in. How many drafts did you write before this one?

Stylistically, it has its own flair, and though some choices you made may not be popular with some readers, nothing detracted from the storytelling. I would have liked to see your time cuts offer the new ages of the characters, especially Phil, as he and his family grows older. not to mention how successful he had become before he landed Jordan... i.e., his house, his clothes, something that might be an indicator of the wealth he was accumulating other than the size of his factories.

I think you allowed us to connect with Phil as much, maybe, as his family did in the later stages of the script, which is not much. All business, all winning. Phil wasn't necessarily a likeable character in the latter half, but you didn't hate him either. I found him more likeable when he was younger, struggling, an up and comer. I think that version of him is more relatable, and progresses him further as the main component of the story. There has to be something, as we go along, to say, hey, he's all business minded and is shunning his family, but we he still has likeable traits. Instead, you give us his epiphany at the very end, after one of his children has died and the other is well on his way to being his own man.

Not to say I didn't like this. I did. Just some observations.

Overall, very good job.

Steve


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rattle221
Posted: March 13th, 2020, 1:24pm Report to Moderator
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Appreciate the reads and thoughts everyone.

Think full research and writing and rewrites took me about 2 years or so.
I actually finished this script a year or more ago and sat on it after I found out there was a potential Netflix project. I had finished this script a while before the other project got announced. But I really dug the story and the script and wanted to put it out into the world to see what others thought. I think the other thing is a potential TV thing. I don't know. But, yeah, a lot of research went into this. And that was quite an undertaking before the actual writing. Some significant reworking and massive cutting took place to get to this current draft.
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Warren
Posted: March 15th, 2020, 7:10pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


A man who has taught his mind to misbehave

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Finished, it's just a brilliant script, enough said.

Filled with emotion and goosebump-inducing moments. I recommend everyone give this a read.

Well done, sir.



Revision History (1 edits)
Warren  -  March 15th, 2020, 10:35pm
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rattle221
Posted: March 16th, 2020, 5:44pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks  Warren, means a lot you liked it.
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