The Call by Nate - Thriller, Sci Fi, Mystery - An FBI agent is sent to investigate a massacre in a small town. She soon discovers the murder is connected to a much more sinister plot. 74 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi, Nate,

The primary thing that prompted me to read your script was the pages. I was curious to know how you managed to meltdown a feature thriller in just 74 pages, so I read it pretty quick. But I was wrong, this script is the first part of the story.

The build-up of your script is pretty nice, as it held my attention.

The protaganist, Sarah Aims, was also interesting. The personal conflict of her's was decent but I think the reveal was too early, considering your story is not yet finished.

Some mistakes I noticed:

Quoted Text Sasha, disinterested turns the TV off.

Your protaganist, SARAH AIMS, turns off the TV. Not SASHA. I think you typed this mistakenly.

Quoted Text Aims stops pacing around and looks at Aims.

Aims stops.....looks at COLE.

I don't have a clue as to what the device is or what it really does. Your script ends with a sort of cliffhanger but it doesn't ache for resolution. It just ends. You are saving it for the next part.

I don't know if you're active on the forum or not, but nonetheless I shared my view on this.

Might look at the next part.

Good luck.