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My second read and this one is a very good one as well.
Nicely tied together at the end. I laughed throughout. Nice imagery of the nun - kind of edgy to see a nun there. And the dog at the end. And God will provide the answers bit - very funny. I don't even know what to recommend here. It's a light and super entertaining read.
Okay, Dublin's a bit stuck out there on its own and you had room for a Superimpose and a FADE IN - maybe add a year/time period too in your next draft...
You did good overall, some funny stuff. Whew! That combo with the foam finger as object is not easy. Speaking of, the foam finger is not utilised much, but it was also a funny punchline so all credit to you.
If this is important to the story I would suggest putting it in a SUPER. This isn't an establishing shot of Dublin that some people may know from sight, it's a scene in an interrogation room.
Quoted Text
Passively in the corner stands a FEMALE COP
This reads a bit back to front to me. A FEMALE COP stands passively in the corner?
Quoted Text
(Incredulous)
Not a big deal, but generally wrylies are in lower case unless it's a name.
Quoted Text
seen as prostitute.
seen as a
Quoted Text
REILLY Good evening Mother Superior,
Comma when addressing someone directly in dialogue, so: evening, Mother.
Done.
So there are a fair few grammar issues and some awkward writing here and there. The story didn't really do it for me. the comedy fell a bit flat. It's a hard genre, so congrats for giving it a go.
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So the good - the constant references to fictional cops was funny, and having the Mother Superior do it, without the anger, was even more funny.
The rest - theme is non-existent, I didn't get the God / dog thing (could be me), and it would have been better if the foam finger was nabbed as evidence and then Agatha wrested it away from the detectives. Would have been another funny moment. As it stands, you're technically missing that one criteria.
Also, this was obviously written by a man, because the female cop's name was FEMALE COP, and her first order of business was to go get coffee. I'd clean that up on a rewrite. (0:
Okay, I'm guilty as I did read comments this time. Personally, I don't get it. The humor of God will provide flew right over my head. The dog never provides anything.
Money was definitely mentioned throughout but I don't see what made it evil. The scumbag trying to steal it? It wasn't the money's fault.
And then there's the foam finger. Present with a rim shot.
I'm not religious but I could hang with those two old broads.
Lol I read this quickly when the scripts dropped but went back and read it again just now.
Despite the numerous grammar and formatting issues, a foam finger that is just jammed in there to fit the variable, and no real attempt at the theme, this is a funny little script! Some really good lines and it has a nice flow which is vital in comedy scenes. The 5 page limit makes it more like a sketch but its well handled. Ajr mentioned the nods to fictional detectives which I found hilarious.
Except, God didn't provide the answers. Agatha did.
Maybe I'm being too picky, but, if the entire script hinges on a punchline, the punchline needs to work. This one didn't for me.
There were spots of humor. Good for a couple of laughs. I appreciated that, because comedy is so tough to do.
Thanks for sharing! Paul
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There should have been some sluglines in there that were missing.
Overall it was a fun read with more mystery than comedy, but I chuckled here and there. It all sounded better in my head with Irish accents. Good job setting it there.
I thought that maybe the Agatha was dyslexic and that "God" was actually "dog" but I was close. I was hoping for more of a payoff from the repeated phrase, but it fell flat for me.
A pair of wise-cracking nuns, some dumb cops, and a guide dog are the ingredients for an old-time entertainment, but I don’t think they work anymore, unless you throw in some violence, sex, or paranormal entities. Though there is talk about how the nuns need money, this doesn’t really touch on the theme except in the most tangential way.