Override by Isaac Asimov - Sci Fi: Migraine pills, Day Laborer, Museum

Crazy mix  of variables to go in a sci fi, but it kind of works. Some good world and situation building in the 5 pages.

Some shoehorning with the migraine pills and day laborer but the theme is sort of captured. Good effort

An entertaining and well written piece. Do we ever get tired of bad robots? No.

Townsend's line, "they did it"...a little ode to Planet of the Apes? And man...wish I could get up in the morning as easily as he pops out of that pod after 30+ years!

I like your take on the theme. Choosing human over robot. Like blood is thicker than robot oil.

Last line about migraine was a bit hokey, I thought. Other than that...this was a great piece. Great job writer!!

Nice little story.

It does resemble some of the Asimov stuff.
Reminds me of Tales from the Loop. Watch it if you haven't, looks like it's something you would enjoy.

Two humans against the world of robots - blood is thicker than water.

Nice little story. Easy to follow and an easy read. Well written too.

This is very well written and cracks along at a good pace.

I feel the criteria are sort of shoe-horned a little to say the least but they are all here.

Good job writer.

Hi,

This reminds of many many many low budget sci-fi movies I have watched over many years. Luckily that's the type of nonsense I happen to like. I felt the migraine was shoe horned and some of the back story could have been clearer, but overall I liked the script.

Well done.

Love a dystopian future sci-fi. Can't go wrong with day-labor robots, right? You're writing is easy on the eyes and you build a very visual world. Good on ya!

Perhaps page length was an issue? Good banter between the soldier and robot but the guy's quick reanimation into a sprint was a little much.

Good work, writer.

Good job. Enjoyed the ride.

In my mind, the robot isn't lubricated with oil... but, water. Really brings the theme home.

Aha! I wonder...

Anyway, I loved it. Very well done and well written. The only thing I wasn't fond of was the last line. I think you thought, ooh, not enough migraine, better add a bit more. Not necessary.

Theme was definitely there.
Another fine example of using tough variables to produce a fine piece of writing.
Well done.

P.S. This had a Fallout feel to it. That's just by the by.

A robot that gets paid, and a daily rate to boot!

Some nice world-building here. I feel the dialogue was a bit unnatural at times but you had a lot to get across in a few pages so this is understandable.

The guy choosing a human over a robot certainly ticks the theme for me. The pills, yeah shoehorned in but how else was you to get something like that in?

For me, it just ends right in the middle of something and isn't' quite there yet. You need a couple more pages at least but this was a very decent effort.

-Mark

Sci Fi: Migraine pills, Day Laborer, Museum

glad I didnt choose these criteria...


so, in the future, after a war, they discover an 'old'human, which clashes with the robots programming

I recall the film oblivion - different story - had a part like that. interesting clash and set up.

interesting twist on the 'blood thicker' element, seeing humanity as a family

story wise, just felt part of something bigger. almost the catalyst in a feature or break into act two type of scene

mind you, if you woke up to that, I would have a migraine to

all the best

Hey writer,

I hope this doesn't come off as too harsh, because you really had a difficult set of criteria, and I'm assuming you had no better choices than to use Sci-Fi.

I have to disagree with a lot of what was said here. It was absolutely competently and visually written, however when I look at the criteria: one, the day laborer. I give you huge marks for the gymnastics here, however if the robot (and not their owner?) is getting paid a day rate, you're assuming a robot economy. Does the robot need to buy food, clothing and shelter?  Next, you have a person who's had a 30 year cryogenic sleep who went in with a migraine, and came out with a migraine. And I think there is almost zero theme here - there's no loyalty between Watts and the robot. So he chooses to deflect the robot's efforts long enough for a fellow human to escape.

So absent the parameters, do you have a marketable story? I think what we have here is an elaborate futuristic set where man and robot, after a plague, with mutants, find a cryo-pod. I don't think it's broken any new ground, and feels like the first 5 pages of a story rather than a short. And it's almost as if this wouldn't have been written if not for the criteria - it's been constructed purposely FOR the criteria, rather than a story that is supported by its own legs that incorporates the criteria, if that makes any sense.

Sorry, I hope that isn't too much. Again, full marks for creativity and for creating a nice visual world.

AJR

I liked this story a lot. A robot built to military specs and operating according to the rules of a contract rather than the rules of war is hilarious. Could be a full script based on this concept. Of course, I couldn’t find a trace of the theme anywhere in this script.

The dialogue is quite expositional.

Not going to mention the things I don't like about the style again, but they are there.

The dialogue on the last page is not good, on the nose and pretty cringe.

Some good world building, but this ultimately fell flat for me. An idea that's probably worth pursuing after the challenge with some reworked dialogue and the removal of the completely shoehorned migraine.

Uh...why was my last post deleted?

I asked a very straight forward question, and that was it.

Seriously?