Post Mortem by Thomas Malory II - Magnifying Glass, Magician, Hotel - Short, Fantasy

Can't sleep. This freaking sleeping problem. Thought to check some out.

Passing on of curse through magic. Frankly, got me by surprise. Poor Perry. Only wanted to be Merlin's apprentice but got something else. And maybe far worse.

Anyways, good luck.

There's really no reason to call Merlin The Old Man when the script starts. Easier just to call him Merlin. Yes, That Merlin, who is the villain in the story (?)

Quoted Text PERRY Whoa.

Remember: he's a "big fan"     Yet this trick catches him by surprise. In addition, it does sound maybe a bit too modern. Maybe Perry just being in awe would have been suffice.

Quoted Text Perry's body now occupies the cloak

A minute later, Merlin will put the cloak on him.

I'm not sure I buy Merlin as a villain; it's suggested that Perry was a boastful sort,  Maybe it should have been Morganna Le Fay body swapoping with a younger woman
Piece is okay, nothing really steps ouyt.

I could see where this was going but I still enjoyed it. You painted Merlin in a different light and I like that. Well done.

-Mark

Oh, Merlin.

I'd say he's a wizard, sourcerer even warlock. You have him as a magician. but Perry thinks he's a trickster and he does perform magic here, so I guess it works.

And you incorporated the rest of the criteria well.
Hmm what to wish for here? It's an entertaining read. The story is old, but I'm glad Merlin is doing this thing this time.
I liked Merlin in this, he's funny.
Overal I was entertained. Good job.

A stretch on the use of a couple of criteria, but they more or less work.

Merlin, why not!

Villainy more or less there from both main characters, at the very least mild skulduggery

And I enjoyed the read too.

My only suggestion would be to re-look at how some of it read, occasionally felt at odds with 6th century setting,

Good effort.

Nice set-up. Merlin the Magician, the merry prankster. Definitely a villain that ends up winning in the end. Did Perry deserve the body-swap? I think if he was saying that he was better than Merlin or talking smack about him. Be careful what you wish for.

Nailed the theme, genre and requisites. I liked this one, it was an easy read. Good job, writer.

This worked for me. Smooth read. Maybe a bit modern feel, could use just a bit more atmosphere - in the dialogue perhaps?

No great villian-feel to it, despite the fact that it was a pretty "villainous" act. That is, it didn't read overly dark. Style choice for sure. Could be fun to see this as a darker take.

Overall, a fun short.

Ha!  Really dug this one. Had all the variables with virtually no shoehorning. Well written and clever. The best one by far

A note:  I don’t have a prob with writers not initially naming a char when there is a cool reveal ahead. I do this too.  It’s not as if an audience watching would know someone’s name until they said it or someone else referred to them by it. That’s goes for any film I guess

Hi,

Merlin as a baddie. Why the hell not? A body swap story told simply and eloquently. I liked this a lot.

Well done

Well this was a great idea. All criteria met and used well. Writing was smooth...just great all around.

Well done, writer!!

I didn't get the villainy here - is it that Merlin turned Perry into himself?

I thought that this was probably the easiest combination of elements to use so far in this competition, so good job in saving it. I was disappointed though when I saw your open in the 6th century and I thought, wow, this writer created some unnecessary hoops to jump through.

Way too modern a read for me - Cognac was a thousand years after this time period, as was the use of the word "kid" and "fan" and "cat out of the bag" and much of the rest of the dialogue. I get that you had to set it in the 6th century in order to use Merlin.

Clever use of the magnifying glass.  But does it have to be Merlin? Does the story hinge on it? I'm not sure. The modern dialogue took me out of the read, but as I said, good use of the elements, and it was clever.

AJR

This was going well, but I had in the back of my mind “wizard is not the same thing as magician,” but you fixed it just in case someone like me reads it The dialog is too modern, but that’s a first-draft kind of problem.

I saw where this was going, but overall, well done.

Okay, maybe I could be converted to liking some Fantasy.

Warren's entry in Round 1 was up my alley, and John I loved this.  

Lovely opening atmosphere.
Terrific humour throughout -
Well, THAT cat's out of the bag.

I do see where this -

Have at it, kid.
- might have seemed tonally out of place...

And here -

He makes his way to the BARTENDER and lowers his hood. The
old man has a long white beard and wears a leather skull-cap
atop his head.

- I probably would have changed that around to lead with OLD MAN in the first sentence and then: He has a long white beard...'

Gotta' nit-pick something right?
Merlin is also known as a magician, so no probs there for me.

This hummed along at a great pace, spare prose, but with just the right amount of colourful detail and humour and you kept me enthralled to the end. Poor guileless Perry.

I wish I had a flair for this kind of stuff.
Thoroughly enjoyable.
Great job.

Quoted from LC Gotta' nit-pick something right?

I look forward to and appreciate your nits  

Thanks for the read and comments!