SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 8:55am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Knight Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Knight  (currently 534 views)
Don
Posted: August 7th, 2020, 4:38pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Knight by Jose Rivadulla-Rey - Action - Captured into slavery and exposed to the cruel world A man constantly fights to return back to his homeland. 85 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  August 12th, 2020, 11:28am
revised draft
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
BarryJohn
Posted: August 9th, 2020, 3:28am Report to Moderator
New


Who am I? A man with a hundred stories..

Location
South Africa
Posts
349
Posts Per Day
0.18
Hi Jose.

I'll give your script a full read soon.

For now, just off the top-

QUOTE:

THE SAND

Ext/Day/The Sand

Tanzania, Arabic Ships are off the coast, a large tribe of Black men, women and children are in chains being led to small boats to be taken to the larger ship, two of the men are chained together, the two men are brothers ABASI and AADI (Both in their mid 20s tall and muscular) The two brothers are hunters who are tracking an animal come to the coast and see people being lead away into boats, suddenly someone has come from behind and knocked them out.                          
                                    ABASI
         Have you ever seen a boat like that

                                    AADI
         What happened to all these people


- THE SAND ?? Tells me nothing. Then its written again in Ext/Day/The Sand

- Ext/Day/The Sand  Must read as EXT. SAND - DAY  (you meant BEACH)
  ... Its the one and only SCENE (Slug) in your entire script!

- The two brothers are knocked out! Then they at once TALKING.

- ...are tracking an animal come (CAME) to the coast and see people being lead (LED) away into boats.
   I'm reading; ANIMAL came to SEE people led into boats.  



Who am I? A man with a hundred stories... you want to read one?
Analyst, mentor, competition reader/judge, film critic, magazine article/blogger.  
https://simpsonliteraryagency.com/script-analyst
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: August 9th, 2020, 7:14am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
A helluva long way from LA
Posts
1565
Posts Per Day
0.29
Ahoy Jose,

I know that the point of writing is to finish and get it sold. For some, and others’ it’s just for fun. But imagine driving in an F1 race. Everybody has a fined tuned machine. You're stuck with a 2009 Odyssey  You'll finish but would you want to?  You'd try to go around corners with your foot on the gas and swerve all over the place.  Maybe even tip over. Yet if you slowed down, learn when to turn, when to press the gas to maximize the road, how the car reacts when you come in at a certain angle, you will improve your time and make an impression that you are a professional driver, regardless if you're driving a van.  If someone sees that you can drive, they might sponsor you and give you a McLaren to use to win the races.  Wouldn't that be peachy? I love cars. Odyssey looks good if you lower it and add some rims. Pimp that ride! Or you can take some time to analyze scripts.

'Cuz...you need a firmer grasp of the basics. There's a story you want to tell but you need to do some groundwork. Immerse yourself in good screenplays. You've got something but you need to have a better idea of just what exactly you are getting into here.  As a start read Lew Hunter Screenwriting 101. I'm not being flippant. It will help you. Best of Irish luck. -A


Logged
Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Action/Adventure Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006