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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Bug Out Blues
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Don
Posted: March 7th, 2021, 1:50pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Bug Out Blues by James Austin McCormick - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy - A backwoods prepper is hunted by alien invaders intent on wiping out every human on the planet. 6 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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stevemiles
Posted: March 14th, 2021, 2:07pm Report to Moderator
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Hi James,

It’s a familiar post-apocalyptic/survivor setup, but the question of what and who worked enough to keep me engaged.  Keeping the threat off-screen is a nice way to ramp up the tension while keeping the budget to a minimum so kudos there.  Feels like a student-friendly project.

The moment Rick discovers a second survivor by radio is where it strays into too familiar territory: can this stranger be trusted?  This goes as expected with it being a ruse to draw Rick from hiding and finish humanity for good.  Given we know so little about Rick or the wider picture it’s hard to make it land with much weight.

There’s enough to work with here in the setup and atmosphere, but ending-wise, I felt like I was already ahead of the story with nowhere left to go.  It's a well-travelled scenario and one that's going to be tricky to setup and payoff in the short format - at least with a fresh twist.

Hope this helps.

Steve


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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James A McCormick
Posted: March 15th, 2021, 11:18am Report to Moderator
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It very much helps- thank you Steve.

Actually, I wanted this to be more ambiguous with the radio broken so the suggestion was he might be delusional - I couldn't think of a good way to do it so I went with the cliched ending (as you so rightly point out).

Thanks so much for taking the time to comment- I'll go back and try to rework it so it's more in line with my original idea.

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eldave1
Posted: March 17th, 2021, 8:08pm Report to Moderator
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Thought this was well done for the most part - got confused in the opening.


Quoted Text
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Nobody know where...major cities in
ruins...billions dead....they came
from the...


Something wrong.

Know where? or nowhere? Knows where?

Cool story - kudos






My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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James A McCormick
Posted: March 21st, 2021, 5:03pm Report to Moderator
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Thank you- and thank you for pointing out the typo
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eldave1
Posted: March 21st, 2021, 5:15pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from James A McCormick
Thank you- and thank you for pointing out the typo


my pleasure


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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James A McCormick
Posted: September 5th, 2023, 12:18pm Report to Moderator
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Bug out Blues has just been filmed under the title "The Last Survivor"

The script is just a little 6 pager but director Jason Bullock and his crew have done a really amazing job.

You can find the YouTube link here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9VIN9qy0eM&t=51s
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