Mr. Lamb by Bo Peep - A businessman searches for spirits in his Zoom meeting.  Short, Horror

I like the idea here. I think it could have read smoother though. Definitely worth working on cus it could be easily filmed. I liked it. Nice job, writer.

Hi writer,

There's a much bigger idea here that should be developed, but as a two pager it doesn't really pack much of a punch.

The writing was decent, no real issues there.

All the best.

Hmmm... I liked the idea, but for some reason, I had a hard time at parts picturing the imagery presented in the writing. For instance, Mr. Lamb tells him to creep up to the screen, but I couldn't figure out what he meant if he wanted Franklin to go under his desk. It took a while to see that it was a game of peekaboo somewhat. Also, I wasn't sure what you meant by Mr. Lamb swallowing him whole... like his head comes out of the screen? Or the screen sucks him in?

The twist was okay, I guess. But I dunno, the second he mentions something about the dead, it's safe to assume one of the characters is actually dead.

This was just okay for me. Good effort, though.

-- Michael

Hmmm... I liked the idea, but for some reason, I had a hard time at parts picturing the imagery presented in the writing. For instance, Mr. Lamb tells him to creep up to the screen, but I couldn't figure out what he meant if he wanted Franklin to go under his desk. It took a while to see that it was a game of peekaboo somewhat. Also, I wasn't sure what you meant by Mr. Lamb swallowing him whole... like his head comes out of the screen? Or the screen sucks him in?

The twist was okay, I guess. But I dunno, the second he mentions something about the dead, it's safe to assume one of the characters is actually dead.

This was just okay for me. Good effort, though.

-- Michael

Mr Lamb Written by Bo Peep - that tickled me more than it should

I liked this, didn't actually see the twist coming. Not sure how he is eating him from a screen though lol you mention earlier souls getting sucked into ethernet, so end on that.

Nice effort

I liked this, just wasn't a fan of the Ring style ending. I don't think he needed to come out of the screen and swallow him. The ghost could have just gone "BOO! Told ya it was full of dead fucks!" and then switched off.

When I was researching I found a lot of flash shorts where the person who seemed to be alive was actually a ghost but I liked how you added your own twist to the theme.

I knew it!  It's the ghosts of dead people slowing my internet!  I loved the twist at the end.  

- Don

Ah, yes… the Deus ex Machina. English is a strange language; says “ghosts” slowly out loud, it’s the only language that has a strange ‘snake’ like sound that we pronounce without being aware that we’re governed by a Reptilian brain stem… ‘tsssssss’. Where am I going with this? I do not know, or is it ‘Ghost in the Machine’, a streaming electrical ‘Light Snake’ that works its way through the grid, and it found Franklin, ready to swallow him, squirming, down whole, or is it down the hole? Weird story, bizarre twist of fate. Best of luck.

The twist was really good. But not sure how one can eat someone via a computer screen but then again its ghosts. Anything's possible.

I liked this. A great concept but I think the ending of being devoured by the monitor was too much and didn't quite fit. Also would require CG budget. Great idea, though - good work.

Meh.

The reveal about Mr. Lamb should be an on-screen chat that pops up, not a phone call.

There is most definitely a kernel of something good here, but this current execution does not capture it.

The general premise is a cool one. Ghosts in the machine.

The specific story and characters are a little non-descript - i.e., if it was a boyfriend zooming with girlfriend or something with a stronger connection between the two characters I think it would pop more.

This could be really effective if shot by a stylish director. It almost feels like it could be a J-horror segment. Very nice job!

Creepy good. I especially liked when Lamb is talking about souls getting sucked into the ethernet,  and how they're glitching things up. This would actually make a decent movie: a cyber security firm is hired to track down the foreign actors who've caused an internet meltdown, and instead uncover the disturbing truth.