Some pretty graphic gore in this fest - good work. The ending was very satisfying too. The introduction and his name being the Surgeon just makes you too curious and takes you out of the read. Overall, a great comeuppance story of revenge.

Some freak getting his comeuppance by a person they killed. Lots of gore ‘n shit spilling about, got a supernatural angle, Hollywood gobbles at these concepts, but there’s really no backstory… I know, I know; only 2 pages. I don’t think 2 pages is our main issue… it’s the 2 days thing that fucked me up.

Anyway, not wicked shocking, not like to the bone, but things got weird fast, and I’m still trying to process what happened to the Surgeon… murder I guess;

Neighbors across the hall:  “Hey, what’s going on in here?!”

Murder… revenge murder from the grave is what’s going on. Best of luck.

There's quite a bit to like here.

The visuals are strong, and I like the ending. Kinda cool that she steps into and out of him.

That said:

I hope this comment doesn't come off too strong, but, you only had two pages to work with, and I feel like you wasted one. I'd suggest cutting out the "other girl" angle and giving us more of the main interaction. Establish some of the how and the why. Like, there's lore behind this, right? If not, create some and let us in on it.

Good title. Fits in well with story. Not sure I get what was going on with the first girl and why she rushes in and then rushes out. Was it from seeing the ghost? Reveal comes a little early but still a decent payoff. Good job here.

I love the idea of the ghost/victim getting her revenge.

I personally think you overdid it with the gory detail which detracted a bit for me.
Compelling, but just pull back a bit on the splatter and make it more about his mental anguish and her payback.

Good job for managing to fit that into two pages. Fair bit of gore and wasn't what I was expecting.

Good luck

This is an effective script. It is similar to Midnight Mangler. I just happened to read them consecutively. I am not sure why the woman in the opening left the door open and let the killer slip into her apartment. Did I miss something?

For once the badguy gets it... and just when you think you saw the twist, here comes another twist.

Good job!

Writer,

Gloriously gory! Liked it. However, very simple and maybe too straightforeward. The ghost appears - but why and how? It's a question that needs explaining for me. Otherwise, pretty good.

Steve

"Forgettable face" made me laugh and I big time like that description. If you're casting, that for me would be a great description to work off.

The short itself wasn't really my bag, and some of the writing made the script a slightly odd read.

Still, it will definitely appeal to those who like gore.