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The Sensitive One - May (currently 504 views) |
Don |
Posted: May 11th, 2021, 6:09pm |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16417 Posts Per Day 1.93 |
The Sensitive One by Fuzzy Dunlop - Driven to distraction, a man sets out to uncover the source of a mysterious sound only to find some noises are best ignored. Short, Horror |
| Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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spesh2k |
Posted: May 11th, 2021, 8:02pm |
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January Project Group
LocationHarlem USA Posts1186 Posts Per Day 0.20 |
Hmmm... not sure what I just read. It was hard to visualize a few things with the way they were written. And I'm probably just stupid, but if there was a twist, it went right over my head. I'll chock this up partially to me not "getting it".
-- Michael |
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mmmarnie |
Posted: May 11th, 2021, 8:34pm |
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January Project Group
Posts1085 Posts Per Day 0.22 |
So, are they trying to help him?? Like fix his brain? Or hurt him? So yeah...it's kinda confusing. I did like the imagery though. You did have me very interested, I just didn't understand the twist. |
| boop |
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MarkItZero |
Posted: May 11th, 2021, 9:09pm |
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Old Timer
Posts1007 Posts Per Day 0.35 |
The writing is very good. It's strange and disorienting (in a good way). The only bad disorienting part is I'm not exactly sure what this other version of him represents. Is he a clone? Or a robot? Maybe I'm the only one not getting it, but I think it needs something more. |
| That rug really tied the room together. |
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Warren |
Posted: May 11th, 2021, 11:55pm |
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Of The Ancients A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3897 Posts Per Day 1.35 |
Hi Writer,
Well written but this one is lost on me. Going to need a bit of an explanation on this one at the end of the challenge. I think there was a twist, but for the life of me I have no idea what it was.
Sorry :/
All the best. |
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Pleb |
Posted: May 12th, 2021, 3:44am |
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LocationUK Posts444 Posts Per Day 0.15 |
I think there could be something good here but it went over my head.
I'm thinking maybe he's connected to a droid or something? Really not sure.
Good luck. |
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Matthew Taylor |
Posted: May 12th, 2021, 5:24am |
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January Project Group
LocationShakespeare's county Posts1770 Posts Per Day 0.88 |
This one feels too complicated for a 2-pager. Too many unanswered questions didn't leave a satisfying ending.
Different though, so kudos.
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42.2
Two steps to writing a good screenplay: 1) Write a bad one 2) Fix it |
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JEStaats |
Posted: May 12th, 2021, 10:35am |
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Old Timer No sh*t, there I was....
LocationTucson, AZ Posts1735 Posts Per Day 0.62 |
Dang it! I wish I understood this because it's actually written quite well. Robot or clone? Seems hi-tech but you'd think they'd have a better lab than the wood shop. I can't wait to hear what the writer says after voting. Well written but I think you needed another page. |
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Yuvraj |
Posted: May 12th, 2021, 10:38am |
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Been Around
LocationWhy you wanna know? Posts788 Posts Per Day 0.50 |
The writing is muddled but it helps the story. Is the twist about some raw version of lobotomy been performed on Walt? I am not sure. But a nice read. |
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eldave1 |
Posted: May 12th, 2021, 11:55am |
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January Project Group
LocationSouthern California Posts6874 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
The writing is fine
The story didn't land for me |
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Cacutshaw |
Posted: May 12th, 2021, 12:01pm |
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January Project Group
Posts177 Posts Per Day 0.07 |
Robopatient! He will get his revenge on Angus Scrimm!
Feels like a part of a larger story. Could definitely be interesting if shot by a creative filmmaker. Nice work! |
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Zack |
Posted: May 12th, 2021, 12:14pm |
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January Project Group
LocationErlanger, KY Posts4497 Posts Per Day 0.69 |
Writing is good for the most part, but I'm not sure I fully get it. Are they helping Walt? Or are they tricking him into thinking he is crazy? Either way, it's pretty creative. Not a bad effort by any means. |
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Geezis |
Posted: May 12th, 2021, 2:22pm |
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January Project Group There's always a single malt waiting for you.
LocationGlasgow, Scotland Posts411 Posts Per Day 0.27 |
Not sure what to make of this. It's well written and engaging but is there a bigger plot we're not seeing? Replacing a real Walt with a robot one? I didn't dislike it, it juts confused me a bit but the twist was solid. Well done. |
| If at first you don't succeed........bribe someone. |
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AnthonyCawood |
Posted: May 12th, 2021, 5:06pm |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4321 Posts Per Day 1.13 |
This is well written but the ending left me a little confused.
Perhaps it just need an extra page to smooth out the wrinkles. |
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Gum |
Posted: May 12th, 2021, 5:38pm |
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Been Around
LocationSome travelling Circus... Posts832 Posts Per Day 0.41 |
Some kind of experiment in Augmented Reality, or AI type androids? The reveal of Walt seeing himself is unnerving, but if he’s some type of android, is he programmed to function under the belief he’s human? Seeing he reacts as a human would if they were in this type of predicament. Other than that, sorry, lost on this one, but the overall concept is surreal and interesting to consider as a bigger (script) project. Best of luck. |
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