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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    The May 2021 Challenge  ›  A Sea of Stars - May2
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  Author    A Sea of Stars - May2  (currently 506 views)
Don
Posted: May 17th, 2021, 10:29am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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A Sea of Stars by Elliot - Hope for rescue is all that's left for two people in the middle of the ocean. Location: Body of water
Object: Item of advanced or electronic technology. Short, Sci Fi


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Revision History (1 edits)
LC  -  May 17th, 2021, 9:08pm
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Pleb
Posted: May 17th, 2021, 11:33am Report to Moderator
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Nice, very nice!

I think I get what it was about but not entirely sure, and that perhaps was your intention. But I really liked it nonetheless. Solid writing that kept me interested throughout.

Really good work.


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Spqr
Posted: May 17th, 2021, 2:08pm Report to Moderator
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Very nice. I couldn't figure out the need for the three "stars" that showed up, since Karen and David got to their own ship safely, so are they the bad guys? Was it a Gray who wounded David? There's a good sci-fi movie here.
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eldave1
Posted: May 17th, 2021, 3:51pm Report to Moderator
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Beautifully written 3 pages - I got a little confused on the 4th - had to read it a few times.

You are very vivid writer - I enjoyed reading this


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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spesh2k
Posted: May 17th, 2021, 3:58pm Report to Moderator
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I got a little confused at the end... I assume they're aliens? Other than that, this was very well written. And even though I was a little confused at the end, I still liked what I think the twist was suggesting. Good stuff.

-- Michael


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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JEStaats
Posted: May 17th, 2021, 7:46pm Report to Moderator
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No sh*t, there I was....

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Great writing and thoroughly enjoyed it (even tough I've no idea what the ending means). I think I'll reread again in case I missed something but, regardless, really great writing.
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Cacutshaw
Posted: May 17th, 2021, 8:00pm Report to Moderator
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Like the writing a lot. Atmosphere was great and the beginning of the mystery was intriguing. But, I've read it twice and hove no idea what happened.
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Zack
Posted: May 17th, 2021, 8:11pm Report to Moderator
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Gonna echo the others and say that I enjoyed this one very much... Until I had no idea what was happening. Looking forward to hearing an explanation for this one's ending.

Still, some serious creativity here. Good work.
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LC
Posted: May 17th, 2021, 11:33pm Report to Moderator
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At first I thought, ooh, bit dense, but it was a compelling and beautiful read.

Is the MAN a clone?
Dutch pirates?

They are not of this world?
I confess to ignorance...

But I loved it.


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Yuvraj
Posted: May 18th, 2021, 10:00am Report to Moderator
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Liked the writing here. Not sure about ending here. It went over my head. Decent effort, though.


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Geezis
Posted: May 18th, 2021, 3:41pm Report to Moderator
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There's always a single malt waiting for you.

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Minimalist dialogue and some really great descriptive writing but I'm sorry I just don't get it. I'm sure if the story was expanded I would understand it better.
Well done.


If at first you don't succeed........bribe someone.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: May 18th, 2021, 6:03pm Report to Moderator
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This has a sort of Life of Pi, crossed with Ray Bradbury, vibe to it and I like it.

Not sure I fully get the ending, but still very well written.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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MarkD
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 1:29am Report to Moderator
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Didn't get this one. However the writing is pretty good.
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 5:36am Report to Moderator
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As per everyone else, I enjoyed the read and I love the intrigue you create by having the two avoid rescue and then reveal that these may not be human after all.

I also don't get the ending. Why did three stars move overhead? Are they rescue ships? If so, why did something enormous appear underwater?

All you needed was a little more to make it clearer. Excellent effort that just needs another draft to polish off.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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Matthew Taylor
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 5:52am Report to Moderator
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Great writing, put me right there with them. Intrigue was peaked when they hid from a boat that could have rescued them, clearly they didn't want to be and I wanted to know why... I don;t understand why though, I am probably being a bit slow but I don;t understand the ending, sorry about that.

Great story up until that point though and I am eager to hear what the ending is about.

Great work


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Two steps to writing a good screenplay:
1) Write a bad one
2) Fix it
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