Yard Sale by Zack Akers - Short, Comedy - Some people just don't understand yard sales… 3 pages

Production: micro-budget, two actors - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Thanks for getting this one up so fast, Don. You rock!

Figured I'd try my hand at a straight-up comedy. This is just a stupid idea that hit me one day while I was at a yard sale. Hope you all find it as amusing as I do.

Oh, and somehow I managed to submit the wrong draft. I'm really dumb, apparently. Lol. I've submitted an updated draft that cleans up the typos and grammar issues.

Zack, you are a great suspense/horror/zombie writer. Respect on giving a comedy a bash, but no.    

Quoted from BarryJohn Zack, you are a great suspense/horror/zombie writer. Respect on giving a comedy a bash, but no.

Appreciate you giving it a shot, Barry. Comedy is very subjective. What didn't work for you?

Didn't land for me, mate.  The core premise is very workable - one man's yard sale taken over by another - but the humor wasn't quite for me.   Others may differ.

Fair enough. Figured it couldn't hurt to take a swing at a comedy skit.

Appreciate you giving it a go.

Is it the gross-out humor that puts you off?

Quoted from Zack Fair enough. Figured it couldn't hurt to take a swing at a comedy skit. Appreciate you giving it a go.

Always good to play around with different genres - keep at it.

So when you describe Ted, shouldn't 'a tan man' be 'a tanned man?'

My advice to you is watch various comedy skits/sketches, from present day comedy to the early Saturday Night Live/Mad Tv stuff, just to give you some ideas and get some inspiration, you might suddenly have that 'Lightbulb moment' whatever it is, write it down, even if you don't think it'll work, i'll repeat WRITE IT DOWN, you never know it might come in handy later on. I'm not a writer or anything by the way, I just do scripts for fun, but I think this will help you.

Maybe after he's hit in the face with the pants, a van could pull up and two men in white step out and restrain Greg who is actually a mental patient? Just gives the story a little more meaning behind it.

Anyway, keep going and well done.

Quoted from eldave1 Always good to play around with different genres - keep at it.

I will. Thanks again.

Greg obviously got the wrong end of the stick and thought Yard Sale meant BYO trash or treasure.
Eww.

Yeah, Zack. It was comedic... just not laughable - funny.

Quoted from AlexanderLR Maybe after he's hit in the face with the pants, a van could pull up and two men in white step out and restrain Greg who is actually a mental patient? Just gives the story a little more meaning behind it.

I like this idea! Thanks for reading, Alexander. And thanks for the advice!

Quoted from LC Greg obviously got the wrong end of the stick and thought Yard Sale meant BYO trash or treasure. Eww.

Thanks for reading my dumb little skit, Libby.  

Happy to help

Hey Zack,

This didn't quite work for me, but it's not far off.  Add some irony and see what happens.
Libby's comment reminded me of the proverb, one man's trash is another man's treasure.
I like the idea of some kook hijacking the yard sale.
(Somewhere in this concoction, I see a Mr. Bean character.)

Add a third person, who is willing to buy the soiled underwear. Maybe it's the only transaction that day. Not sure if that makes it funny, but it will complete the proverb.

Good luck.