Feral Skin by Arthur Pena - Horror - John Woodrow a 17-year old is framed for the ****** of his abusive father (a police officer) by a cult leader Abraham (a cursed werewolf) who's also a small town serial killer Werewolf. 5 years later FBI assigns a swat team to bring him in. 135 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Thank you don here is  a LINK to my pdf feral skin  screen play as well  thx

https://writers.coverfly.com/projects/view/bc2e4180-8c76-4c73-b0ca-fbf4974193ca/Feral_skin

Hi Arthur. Welcome to the boards.

In case you didn't know, the title of your script in bold letters in the first post of the thread is a link to your script.

Thank you grandma bear enjoy the script.

Werewolf scripts are marketable especially with twilight.  Although I think this is the first script I've finished  that isnt for the faint of heart.   I know it was  hard to follow from the formatting but the action was fun and the opening scene was a good hook.  keep studying and watching  current films in this genre. find websites that offer you links to scripts and on the rewrite  I want to trim the description and dialogue to only what's needed.  The plot changes from different characters and would be nice to have a focus point on the character from the beginning or one character throughout. maybe use  only what I need to propel the story.  


SO...What do you guys think?

Here's what I suggest you do, Art:

It's a bit quiet in between challenges at the moment, so:

Post the link to your script in Script Review exchange:
Offer to review someone else's script in exchange for them reading yours.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-goose/

Alternatively, if you look also at some of the requests on that same board you can offer a read/review swap of Feral Skin for one of these: -

Sean & Gabe are looking for reads of their Dark Comedy/Horror:
Just Murdered
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-goose/m-1624487188/s-new/
Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) & Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley)

Sarah is looking to swap read & reviews with her Thriller,
Psychodelic
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1624189681/s-0/highlight-/#num0

And:

Zack just posted requesting feedback for his Horror script:
Witch Hunt
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-horror/m-1624795307/s-new/

They also sound likes genres you may be interested in.

SS operates on a quid pro quo basis.
Usually there's a swap available. All you gotta do is ask.

Hey, Arthur. Gave this a peek for ya. I see that you are a new writer, so I'll try to be nice.

First things first, congrats on finishing a feature! That's no minor feat. Takes a lot of motivation to complete a feature, let alone a 136-page one! That's awesome! That motivation will help you quite a bit.

So, I'm just gonna come out and say that there are some serious issues with your writing. The grammar is all over the place. Not to mention the format.  

Right out of the gate, what's with the logline? Did you censor it? The bit about Abraham is redundant.

Here's a brief example. This is the second page(why is the first-page blank?)...

EXT. ULSTER COUNTY, NEW YORK-1985

Blowing Gently through the pine trees and summer air.
Birds chirp near a glistening body of water.The sun begins to
set in the Ashokan Reservoir.

Okay. First, the scene header is all wrong. It should look like this...

EXT. LAKE - DAY

The county, state, and date would be done through a SUPERIMPOSE.

Now on to the first line of prose... What is blowing through the pine trees? And why is Gently capitalized? There should be a space between the first and second line of prose. And a space after the second line of dialogs period.

Skimmed ahead a few pages, the writing only gets worse. Look, you might have an amazing werewolf story here. But no one is ever going to read it if it is presented like this. Why would they? Would you read something that was presented like this?

My advice to you is to read as many scripts as you possibly can and to keep writing. If you are motivated enough and you really love to tell stories, you can write screenplays.

I'm editing out 18 pages took care of the first 5 pages so far  a work in progress I had to keep the highschool story in the first act after some 32 years later  to create johns  story arch as he discovers the  cult is  established  with Abraham by page 8 or ten. but yeah it needs some major editing  thanks.