Blue Ball by Robert Timsah - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy, Comedy - Two tired astronauts search for a habitable planet. 2 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

"Humanity's last hope". - this line made me chuckle.

Adam waves his hand in the air as the grey screen dissolves, revealing a large planet - why was he waving his hand in the air? Didn't quite get that.

"It's blue-tiful" - i feel this line might be better suited to Adam. Then you could have the opposite with Evelyn getting teary over the planet's beauty - "It's, it's so blue".

I could picture the character's as Fry and Leela from Futurama! The simple title 'Blue Ball' works well too.

Good work.

                                
                              

Quoted from AlexanderLR "Humanity's last hope". - this line made me chuckle. Adam waves his hand in the air as the grey screen dissolves, revealing a large planet - why was he waving his hand in the air? Didn't quite get that. "It's blue-tiful" - i feel this line might be better suited to Adam. Then you could have the opposite with Evelyn getting teary over the planet's beauty - "It's, it's so blue". I could picture the character's as Fry and Leela from Futurama! The simple title 'Blue Ball' works well too. Good work.

Thanks. Waving hand thing was just to make it seem futuristic, when in reality... But, still thanks for giving it a read.

No problem

Haha! Pretty funny, Robert.

The Adam & Eve of the red planet.

Of course the cynic in me makes me think they might make a comment (on closer inspection) - about environmental degradation and last minute turn back and go the other way, but that'd be a different type of script, or maybe part 2. Or maybe I'm way off base - little pun there.

Terrific humour, and very entertaining for a two-pager.  

Quoted from LC Haha! Pretty funny, Robert. The Adam & Eve of the red planet. Of course the cynic in me makes me think they might make a comment (on closer inspection) - about environmental degradation and last minute turn back and go the other way, but that'd be a different type of script, or maybe part 2. Or maybe I'm way off base - little pun there. Terrific humour, and very entertaining for a two-pager.

Thanks for the comments and read LC. I saw and missed the two-page OWC, this was my attempt at it for fun. It was tough to cram this into 2 pages! I just hope it's clear - (spoiler) - the Blue Ball is Earth, and at that point would have no humans on it - until they land and "wink, wink".

I have a page up for this silly script, complete with mood music lol - https://robert-timsah.com/blue-ball/

Aha! Wondered if the OWC was the inspiration.

I knew the Blue Ball was Earth. Didn't realise it was uninhabited though. Very clever.
Will check out your link.

The music suits it very well!
Does Hyper Epics do lighter weight drama SciFi like this?
You should try them.

Quoted from LC Aha! Wondered if the OWC was the inspiration. I knew the Blue Ball was Earth. Didn't realise it was uninhabited though. Very clever. Will check out your link. The music suits it very well! Does Hyper Epics do lighter weight drama SciFi like this? You should try them.

Glad you liked it. I will check Hyper Epics. Given how much feedback you offer, I *THINK* you'd enjoy my other short - "Feedback Addiction" - https://robert-timsah.com/feedback-addiction/

, on the other hand, if you hate it well just give me some real brutal feedback, I can add to it.