This is for a horror short I just finished...


LOGLINE:
When a tormented woman tries to sell her soul to the Devil, in order to get revenge on all who has done her wrong. The Devil demands she sacrifice her young daughter in order to get her wish...will she do it?

TAGLINE: Revenge is an evil bitch!

I don't think you really need the sell the sole stuff in the logline since the real decision point is the daughter.

In exchange for sacrificing her own daughter, Satan offers a tormented woman vengeance on all those who have done her wrong,...will she do it?

Can't really improve on Dave's suggested logline.

Chris, just a reminder too... If you write 'When (something)...' your conclusion (potential outcome) should just follow on without a period between the two ideas.

Example:

When a tormented woman tries to sell her soul to the Devil, in order to get revenge on all who has (have) done her wrong, the Devil demands she sacrifice her young daughter in order to get her wish...will she do it?

I'd personally leave the question at the end off? The question is implicit.

Like they've said, you've got all the pieces, just trim it up.

Quoted from ChrisV In order to gain revenge on all who have done her wrong, The Devil demands that a tormented woman sacrifice her young daughter in return.

In exchange for sacrificing her own daughter, Satan offers a tormented woman vengeance on all those who have done her wrong,...will she do it? Here I have to disagree with Eldave1. In this, it reads, Satan made the offer to the woman - the woman did not approach Satan. Where in fact the woman approached Satan, this is important to the story.

Great tips and suggestions as always!!!!!! Thank you so much! XoXo

A pleasure

Is "tormented" enough to describe the woman's character? Would adding another word help or is tormented enough to drive the point home?

I always question this because I'm not always sure 1 word is enough to describe someone in a logline. I kind of get stuck on saying something about the persons personality and not the situation they're in.

I'd go with what eldave suggested, only I'd drop the question of "will she do it?" for the reason LC indicated.

Although I think BarryJohn makes a good point about it needing to be clarified a bit as to who gets the ball rolling here. Does the woman approach Satan to for help, or does Satan approach her to offer it? One way makes her an active character, the other makes her passive. Active is better.