Halloween Kills by Eric Dickson - Horror - As Michael continues his murderous rampage, old friends reunite, broken relationships are mended, lives are lost, and only the strong will survive.  101 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

You around on the boards, Eric?

I used to be super active here about fifteen years ago but sort of logged off for a while.  Too many folks picking fights and stirring the pot.  Nowadays I usually post my work in case anyone's interested in taking a look.  I did this one just for my own amusement.  I can't wait to see what they did with the returning characters.

Hey, Eric. Hope you are doing well.

I really suck at "reviews", so I'm just gonna ramble off my thoughts. Hopefully, some of
this helps you. If not, feel free to dismiss my opinion entirely. I'm just another
idiot on the internet.

First, the title. It bugs me that you called this Halloween Kills. The real Halloween
Kills just came out. Why not give this a unique title? In your defense, I have no clue
what a good title would be. Halloween 2018 screwed everything up by having the exact
same title as the original, despite the fact that it was a sequel. It's an annoying
trend (I'm looking at you Scream!) that needs to stop.

Anyways... Onto the actual script.

I'm enjoying what I'm reading so far, but I've got some issues with the plot. Michael
killing Kyle (or anyone, for that matter) in the opening flashback creates a plot hole
with H18, where the exact number of Michael's victims was stated by the podcaster.

Besides that, I'm digging it. Though the actual prose is a bit clunky.

I appreciate the little references, like Ben Tramer (not
Traimor) and the Mckenzie family.

Dialog is hit and miss for me, but you do a good job of establishing characters'
individual quirks.

PG 1 - Missing a SUPER right off the bat. Also, not a visually interesting opening.
You've got some decent dialog, but give me something interesting to look at.

Why is the red slushie capitalized? (lots of odd capitalizations throughout)

Some really awkward prose throughout. Makes it hard to visualize what is supposed to be
happening. Lots of typos as well.

More to come...

PG 7 - I like the young Lindsey and young Tommy cameo, them actually at the Mckenzies.
Good stuff.

I also like the character dynamic you create between Hawkins and Brackett, with Hawkins
having had a fling with Annie. You actually do some things here better than the real
Halloween Kills film.

Another example of something you actually improve on is how you include Marion Chambers.
While I still find her character unnecessary(why is she in Haddonfield?),your
explanation is better than the non-explanation in the real movie. Lol

PG 10 - Loomis's dialog doesn't work for me at all. Feels like you are trying too hard to
recapture some of the magic from the OG Loomis monologues. It just falls flat.

Your visuals continue to lack throughout. There's no sense of style or atmosphere here.
Punch it up a bit. Put your own stamp on it.

PG 11 - The scene inside the house is terribly structured. I've got no clue where any of
these characters are in relation to each other. No visual direction whatsoever. I'll be
honest, if I weren't already deeply invested in the source material, I'd have checked out
by now.

PG 15 - Michael killing Kyle creates a plothole with the narrative established in Halloween
2018.

Sidenote: Michael has no sense of presence in this script. I'm not excited or scared when
he's around. He's just... There.

PG 17 - Not a fan of your dream clip montage. Almost seems like a flashback within a
flashback. Very disorientating.

PG 18 - The reporters' dialog is atrocious, Dude. Read it out loud. It's funny. I don't
think that's what you were aiming for here.

Won't lie, I'm starting to skim at this point.

So, this was written before the actual movie came out, yet some scenes are IDENTICAL to
scenes that didn't even make it into the final version of that movie. (like when Hank sees
Laurie's house burning from his backyard, that scene is ripped directly from the actual
script of Halloween Kills) This is just bizarre to me. Did you get the real script(which
wasn't hard to do) and just pick and choose bits that you liked and then fashion your
own version around those scenes? Not saying there's anything wrong with that. There are no
rules when it comes to fan-fiction. It's just an odd approach, IMO.

PG 47 - Lindsey's reaction to finding her niece's dead body doesn't feel real at all. Were
they not very close. Also, Lindsey Tommy barely has any sort of reaction when seeing
Michael!? This is the guy who nearly killed them 40 years ago! Show us the emotion they
are feeling when they see him again for the first time. Linger on it!

PG 49 - Wait... Tommy has a gun!? Why didn't he shoot Michael when he first appeared!?

Sorry, Dude. But this is where I've got to throw in the towel. Just too many gaps in the
logic of the plot and the character decisions/motivations. And, unfortunately, the
writing itself just isn't strong enough to carry these issues.

I will say this. For something that you claim to have written in 3 days, it's actually
pretty impressive. I'd be VERY interested in seeing what you could do with a month.

Sorry if this comes across as super negative. That's not my intention at all. If you've
got any questions for me, let me know and I'll answer to the best of my ability.