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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Horror  ›  Little Red Riding Blood
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  Author    Little Red Riding Blood  (currently 255 views)
Don
Posted: December 5th, 2021, 11:08am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Little Red Riding Blood by Gary Parr - Short, Horror - If you go down to the wood today you're sure for a lethal surprise. 1 page - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice


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Zack
Posted: December 6th, 2021, 10:29am Report to Moderator
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Hey, Gary. Gave this one a quick read. Good effort for a 1 pager. Solid writing, easy to visualize.

His eyes widen in shock as Little Red Riding
Hood whips out and knife and slashes his throat.

Should be "...whips out *a* knife and slashes..."

You should never just end a script on a line of dialog. Looks unfinished. Use a FADE OUT!

Not bad, though.

Revision History (1 edits)
Zack  -  December 6th, 2021, 6:31pm
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AlexanderLR
Posted: December 7th, 2021, 6:38am Report to Moderator
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Nice little dark twist on the story and one that could be continued further. I don't think you need to state her age though and what she's wearing/carrying as we are all familiar with Red Riding Hood. Just having...

        LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD makes her way along the path through the woods.

...is all the information we need.

And yes remember to finish with FADE OUT or THE END.

Good job.
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