Just finished a redraft on something. Not sure about it. I feel like it doesn't exploit it's concept enough and I get lost in the character. Not even sure it's properly a horror.

LOGLINE (terrible): A troubled woman with a child in foster care is released from prison. She undertakes an experimental sleep study to resolve disturbing nightmares and help her get her child back. When she falls pregnant during the study, she is forced to investigate the shadowy origins of the person who run it - at great risk to herself and her unborn child.

Link to script: https://www.dropbox.com/s/s9ie1jgj7cvnn0k/DOUBLE-BLIND%201st%20draft.pdf?dl=0

Willing to read any feature/several shorter scripts equalling similar pages, but I do well with dramas, comedies etc. I'm good with feedback on character and dialogue, not so much with concept.

Hey, I am halfway through my thriller spec script. First draft and I would appreciate if we could review each others works because I could use much on character and dialogue departments. I hope to hear from you.

Sure. DM me what you’ve got so far.

Thanks for sharing Double Blind.

I was put off my the random words that were underlined or in bold or caps etc. I am not sure but isn't there a standard expectation (like all character names are in caps).

I was a bit muddled between ADULT MAN and MIDDLE AGED MAN on p3. Aren't they the same person? I think there's a typo in the me noggin bit

In the car scene: Is Darla a boy or a girl? To my mind, Darla is a girl's name but the character seems like the Dad. Maybe they are lesbians? (in which case, 'butch' is a rather crass!)

I see they are lesbians now!

I liked the idea behind the smoking conversation with Darla and Madison. I'm not sure how 'natural' the exchange is though. It didn't quite flow for me. I enjoyed the ambiguity. Liked the 'lucky' bit especailly.

Reflecting back to the introduction of Madison in jail, I didn't warm to her. I'm not sure I'd have continued to watch from that early part. I want to engage with the characters more. Maybe introduce her in the court first? Not sure.

Didn't get the posters idea in the socail worker's office.

I think typo on top of p13 - foster care system?
Heighten again? Don't get that expression
Gregory speaks in rather odd manner. I think there might be typos or make it smoother.
Reza's father - how can she still be seeing him if she's just got out of prison? I'm muddled

I liked the 'dream' scene whilst she was having a seizure. I don't like the over-direction - I want my characters to do and say things that will reveal what their intentions / thoughts are rather than a script annotation.

p17 - I'm confused about the being a kid and having a kid. Was she a young pregnancy. I don't think I processed how old Madison is in the jail scene. Does that maths work?
Colleague in a way doesn't quite work for me. Seems too odd.

p18 - typo a an
Why is he using a fax?! and what about patient's confidentiality etc The doctor talking about the colleague jars too much for me. I feel like he's talking plot at me.

I don't like the name for Dr Spacey.

p19 - dirty man needs to be more subtle - I didn't believe that everyone would just ignore him.

The row was 'fun' and sounded quite real.

Whomever seems an odd word for Darla to use.
I liked how Darla and Sheryl ganged up on Madison moments after rowing.

Some of your directions confuse me eg cringe internally - what would that look like. And if you can describe what it looks like then write that?!

Organic turnip order is weird to me. Maybe give her a more typical job that doesn't stand out as weird?

I got up to p22 for now!

Will attempt more reviewing later.

Not my usual cup of tea - certainly not since I became a father myself. Engaging for the most part. Some of the first scenes were a bit jarring for me but maybe they are supposed to be?

Well done