SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is April 16th, 2024, 12:34pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Review My Logline  ›  Logline Review - Voyage Moderators: LC
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Logline Review - Voyage  (currently 263 views)
velera
Posted: August 12th, 2022, 9:54am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
8
Posts Per Day
0.00
VOYAGE
The physicist best friend of an Illinois construction worker offers to help save his terminally ill son's life by taking the grief-stricken father back through time to retrieve what he believes will heal the child — the blood of Christ.

Revision History (1 edits)
Grandma Bear  -  August 12th, 2022, 10:06am
Logged Offline
Private Message
LC
Posted: August 13th, 2022, 7:44pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
7615
Posts Per Day
1.34
The 'physicist best friend', 'Construction Worker' etc., reads a bit convoluted. Also, do we need to know he's from Illinois?

I'd try simplifying it.

In a desperate bid to save his terminally ill child, a man calls upon his best friend, a particle physicist, to help him travel back in time to retrieve the only cure that will save his son's life - the blood of Christ.

A man calls upon his friend, an astrophysicist, to help him travel back in time in a quest to find the only cure that will save his terminally ill son - the blood of Christ.

Still a bit of a mouthful...

P.S. Wow, that's some inclusion with 'the blood of Christ'.



Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
newwavepix
Posted: September 12th, 2022, 1:14am Report to Moderator
New



Posts
6
Posts Per Day
0.01
What LC said! I tried reading your logline out loud and quickly became out of breath. It's a great tongue twister though! Kidding aside... intriguing concept, maybe do more alluding-to rather than spelling things out literally. Good luck!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Review My Logline  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006