All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Very sinister in an ambiguous kinda way. Maybe a little short in the narrative to really get my teeth into but on the flip side - could be the perfect little project for an aspiring horror filmmaker.
I personally would have put spaces before the opening parentheses. (OFF SCREEN) is typically (O.S.)
And I'm used to FADE IN: and FADE OUT, so seeing "END" where FADE OUT should be strikes me as odd. There's recently been some debate here about FADE IN: so it appears to be a personal choice. I use it all the time.
What's up, Yuvraj. Happy to see you still putting out work. I think there is some potential here, but it doesn't really work. Some choppy writing as well, though it definitely has improved. Some cool visuals. Don't give up on this one.
I personally would have put spaces before the opening parentheses. (OFF SCREEN) is typically (O.S.)
And I'm used to FADE IN: and FADE OUT, so seeing "END" where FADE OUT should be strikes me as odd. There's recently been some debate here about FADE IN: so it appears to be a personal choice. I use it all the time.
I agree that it's just a personal choice. Also, it saves space. So there's that as well.
This was a solid read... it really boils down to the ending, which I liked. Leaning into the visual of the face and TV with more cinematic language and detail could strengthen the effect.
Format-wise, right off the bat, there were a few adverbs ending in -ly, which generally can weaken a sentence because you aren't getting the most out of verbs and nouns, just be judicious with them I guess. You effectively used mini-slugs inside the house, which kept the flow and pace moving.
BLB
Commodus: But the Emperor Claudius knew that they were up to something. He knew they were busy little bees. And one night he sat down with one of them and he looked at her and he said, "Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee..."
This was a solid read... it really boils down to the ending, which I liked. Leaning into the visual of the face and TV with more cinematic language and detail could strengthen the effect.
Format-wise, right off the bat, there were a few adverbs ending in -ly, which generally can weaken a sentence because you aren't getting the most out of verbs and nouns, just be judicious with them I guess. You effectively used mini-slugs inside the house, which kept the flow and pace moving.
BLB
Thanks BLB for reading and commenting. Really appreciate it.