Daddy's Apology by Have "no" Mercy - A father meets his daughter for the very first time and he has a lot to make amends for. 7 pages  Short, Drama

Ahoy writer,

Um, not sure what to make of this one. Well I do actually - this was a mixed bag for me.

Honestly, I was definitely expecting some sort of heartfelt story here, well hoping for one, but didn't get it. Guess I should have known when the "Rapping" line. The ending I didn't see coming, I doubt if most will. Kind of creepy actually.

Don't want to spoil things so I'll leave it there. Didn't hate it, just didn't luv it. Best of irish luck! -Andrea

Well, if this story taught me one thing...it pays never to forgive.  Henry is a piece of sh*t.

Hi writer,

This was a heartwarming story.  The cello is my absolute favorite string instrument. Hearing Yo-Yo Ma play Bach: Cello Suite No. 1 in G Major is pure euphoria; I can only surmise Emily was bowing that masterpiece.

Not sure why you went there (ending), but that took the initial story that worked so well… far, far away. Best of luck.

Hi Writer

Reads clean and crisp. Characters were clear, dialogue was realistic. The interaction between the two flowed well and built up to an ending that honestly felt too cheap for what came before it.

Best of luck

Enjoyed the premise of this story, a father regretting not being a part of his child's life.  The overcoming of her disability to become a gifted musician, all very well thought out and written. But then....the ending.  Very dark and disturbing compared to the overarching theme of reunion.  The writing was solid but I was left with a feeling of shock and creepiness after hoping that he had true remorse for his earlier actions, but I guess that was the "creep factor" you were going for.  Good job on the writing aspect, but I'm a little put off by the ending. JMO.  But wishing you good luck with the entry.

Yeah, sorry this didn't work for me... unsuccessful abortions, raped mother... all feels a little over wrought, mexican soap opera style.

So the shock ending didn't really shock, just didn't feel earned... and thanksgiving was tagged on and not really part of the story in any fundemental way.

I understand writing is about evoking an emotional response. But, I do think finding that sweet spot is important. And, this one just swung too far. It's sweet (sort of). Then gross. Then sweet again (sort of). Then disgusting. It was just too much of a swing to feel like it worked.

I went from interested to glad it's over, and I don't think that's where you want your audience.

I mean... you called it DADDY'S apology.

You obviously can write. This one just wasn't for me.

Wow was not expecting that ending !

Quite a few scripts tackling strong subjects and this is another.  Rape and asking for forgiveness only to be a nasty piece shit. Where he once again walks away the victor.

Yeah very dark

Writing was good and it flowed well.

Good job on entering

Tough stories need to be told but with a bit more nuance.
I'm far from squeamish and when done well tough themed movies stick with you long after the lights go down.

A perfect example: Watch a movie called The Woodsman.

Your ending. Really?
All that effort from him for forgiveness, the big long spiel, finally a chance at a way back into her life. And that's his payoff?

I just don't buy it and it doesn't work for me.
Maybe you had a bigger story to tell.

Writer,

I hate to say this, but you lost points (from me anyway) for the ending. I really liked the aesthetic you created here. The blind woman, the distraught father, and there was something about that cello — a truly melancholic instrument that fit so well. Some more dialogue would have served this story well as to provide more forgiveness and help us relate to the distraught father. The daughter kinda throws his sins in his face, and instead of that, could have been alluded to in a more indirect way. And like I said, I was not a fan of the ending. I feel it should have gone in the opposite direction, but that’s just me and I’m not you. Still, a fine effort here! Good work.

Steve

I'm commenting after so many before me, so I won't repeat the obvious about the ending. (But I guess I just did. Sorry.)

Up to that, well crafted , although I must say that her immediate turnaround to accept him seemed a stretch to me.

Perhaps more resistance to him, more doubt about his sincerity, especially knowing that he was a rapist, would have made the reveal less of a surprise and more of an acknowledgement of what a evil person he is.

I sort of felt like the conversation here was a bit on the nose. He just blurted out the story for us to know.
I wish it wasn't so obvious.

Did he steal the money from her? he's counting the money,l has a grotesque smile... maybe I missedd something.