A Very Different Thanksgiving by Anthony Cawood (Anthony Cawood) writing as Me (not 'me') - Short, Drama - An unexpected guest makes for a revelatory Thanksgiving with dark surprises for all involved. 10 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Gosh.  Gosh.  Gosh.  Two scripts in a row made me sad, Father's Apology and this.  But I was proud of Bob for walking out.

A big story and topic for ten pages and a bit heavy handed for me.
I think you were only partially successful with all you wanted to relay message-wise here.

I would have liked a bit more of a natural evolvement with your setup. A bit more banter and a connection forged between Bob and Samuel, before Bob asks Samuel to join them for Thanksgiving would have seemed less contrived for the sake of your ensuing narrative.

Jesus, Alison, have you heard
yourself?
Jesus Alison, do you hear yourself? Or, do you hear what your saying, or what's coming out of your mouth?

This line stumped for me for a minute -
BOB (cont'd)
Left a lit ­­--

SAMUEL
Thank you, Mr?
Thank you, Mr...?

CONT'D s look odd to me not capped.

The story asks for some suspension of disbelief that Bob and Samuel Cross paths like they do. A little too convenient perhaps.

Bob coming home telling his wife he has a surprise for her, knowing her existing prejudices and political bents, seemed a bit over the top - he's either a glutton for punishment, or not too bright.

I liked this and I wanted to know what was going to happen next, so you had me in the palm of your hand in that regard, but I wanted to like it more. It was a little too preachy for me and needed a lighter touch and even some humour to bring such a serious topic home.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.
A classic and still worth the watch.


P.S. You want to abbreviate 'honey' to 'hon-, not 'hun'.
For various reasons, not least Attila.  

And please get rid of the bolded words. They were really distracting.
I actually read down to see if there was some subliminal message in their downward flow but there isn't.

Hi writer,

This was, well… if anything a history lesson of the past.  Not sure the commentary resonated with me re: thanksgiving, but you had a message to sell, and you sold it with a pretty good voice IMO, just not my bag for the nostalgic turkey lore I came here for.

Points galore for tackling a brute subject, but I guess someone somewhere had to say it. Best of luck

Wow
Well, the title sure did live up to the script.

It took a different turn than expected, and twists are always welcome in my book, but I wasn't expecting a History lesson. I'm sure you've researched before tackling the serious subject of racism and slavery.

I have a hard time believing that Bob never knew his wife was a racist.

The script itself was well written.

Good job on entering

I have to admit... all my years of education, born and raised in the US, and I just recently learned of the historical events referenced here. (Says a lot about the priorities of American education... and even more about the people who want to keep it that way.) So, it was timely for me that your script helps to build on that new knowledge. So sad to think that there are many, many people like Alison still out there... even more sad to think that there probably always will be.

Anyway... about the script...

Kudos for tackling a difficult subject.

I thought the writing was a bit heavy-handed. It would have been more interesting to see some subtly in the interactions, before her racism is out-right exposed. I know, it's tough to be too subtle in under 10 pages... especially on such a heavy topic.

I liked the contrast between Bob and Alison. Though, I wonder how he could have gotten too far into a relationship and not notice such a massive character flaw.

Finally, I'm wondering what Samuel's goal was. He seemingly maneuvers himself into dinner with Alison. (Or, was it just massive coincidence?) Certainly he has a reason. Is it just to open Bob's eyes? If so, does that mean he's aware Bob is a decent man? If not, then what? Answering that question and working it into the script would go a long way into giving this script the power it deserves.

Good idea. Pretty good execution. With a little work, can be even better.

(Recommend scrubbing for typos and eliminating the very distracting bolded words.)

Ahoy writer,

I tell ya, there's some deep, serious subject matters in this OWC. And yours is no different.

Quoted Text A big story and topic for ten pages and a bit heavy handed for me

I am going to echo this feedback - that aside, social commentary pieces just don't do much for me, but no worries - not going to hold it against ya. Clearly you've done your homework so kudos. What I did like was a different spin on "Whose Coming to Dinner" but with the serious nature of the subject matter, maybe this would work better as a an extended piece instead. JMHO.

Anywaz, I didn't hate it, just didn't luv it. Best of Irish luck! -Andrea

Hi Writer

Their paths crossing was way too convenient. Presumably, this guy was walking to their house and coincidence that he was picked up by Bob? but then what was Samuel's original plan if he wasn't invited to dinner?
He just kind of starts a fight and then leaves. It's logically too flawed for me to get into.

The dialogue is strong though.

All the best

Writer,

Wow. Alison’s quite the bitch, huh? One thing I suppose I’m not a fan of is bringing up politics or buzz words regarding politics to make rove a point. Either way. I feel you could have made Alison unlikeable with the mention of maga or qanon, but that’s just me. Anyway, it was quite the coincidence Samuel happened by. And Alison? Well, she could’ve gotten her just desserts but didn’t. Overall, good effort that didn’t quite follow all the way through.

Steve

Following all of the above, and not to repeat the many overlapping comments...

- A well told story.
- I learned something surprising.
- There are people like Alison...that i used to know.
- But this was just not my slice of pumpkin pie.

  Very nice story.

A bit strange that Bob offered a lift to Samuel himself and brought him to meet Alison, the one Samuel was seeking. Maybe that part could be played better.

Is ACS real? very nice.